


Words Mean Everything

by jacksonwang28037



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Caring JB, Fluff, Ill stop - Freeform, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, This is sad okay, but 2jae, slight rape, some smut in the end, this relates to me on a personal level, trigger warnings are in there, youngjae did nothing wrong, youngjae has depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-01 19:46:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 23,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14527863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacksonwang28037/pseuds/jacksonwang28037
Summary: Everybody is born with two names on their body. One is the name of their soulmate, whereas the other is the name of the person who will eventually kill you.Choi Youngjae, a young, innocent high schooler knows the name of both his soulmate and his killer. He’s badly bullied, and has no one out there to look out for him. That is, until he meets Jaebum.Im Jaebum is left confused.Jaebum, a young, well-minded and comforting high school student has noticed the problems with Youngjae and wants to help.Trigger Warnings are in the first chapter.It gets better after a while.This explores depression a lot and the feelings behind it, so I'm hoping that I write this well...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfiction so don’t expect this to be good :( 
> 
> and please leave some love I need love in my life thank you <3
> 
> I hope you enjoy this

Trigger Warnings:  
Self-harm, depression, death, anxiety, starving oneself, bullying, rape etc 

It's pretty sad for my first fic, but I hope you like it! 

 

————————————————————————————————————————

The sound of the horrific, ear piercing phone alarm caused the young boy's eyes to open in a matter of seconds, instantly letting out a small groan at the irritating sound, knowing exactly what it signalled. Another sleepless night wasted in his own tears and thoughts. At least he got a good 3 hours of sleep this time. That, he was thankful for. 

Extending his arm to the bedside table, hand gripping his phone before he turned the brightness down to minimum, he wanted to avoid being blinded first thing in the morning. He turned off the alarm, his arm flopping back down to his side before he closed his eyes, assuring himself he'd only stay in bed for just another minute. 

Hearing a bang and a crash coming from what must be the room next door, he decided to force himself out of bed, rubbing the sleep out of his half-open eyes as his mouth opened into a yawn. 

The guy next door, who he wasn't friends with, Jackson, so happened to be placed in the room beside him. No matter how much Youngjae begged the school to move into a different room, they wouldn't allow him because they were all taken. He didn't exactly enjoy being next door to Jackson. Despite the walls being a little thicker than expected, Youngjae could still hear the music that Jackson blasted for an hour or two every evening. Youngjae would always try to ignore it, and usually, he managed.

However, this added to the list of reasons as to why Youngjae's grades were awfully bad. 

Back in his first, second and third year of high school, his average was a C/B. Now, he had U/F's. 

Youngjae walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He stood in front of the sink, staring at himself in the mirror. "I look like a mess.." He mumbled to himself, two fingers coming up to his cheek and pulling down on it as he eyed the black bags under his eyes. Everyone seemed to notice that. Actually, everyone seemed to notice everything about him. To his messy hair, the odd pimple on his face, his chubby cheeks. He hated it when people pointed these things out. He couldn't change his physical features, and he knew he wasn't going to suddenly start working out. As if he had motivation for that. 

The reason he'd gotten chubby over time was due to comfort eating. As soon as he got in the dorm, he'd eat. And eat. And maybe drink too. Youngjae didn't care if alcohol could make him feel even more depressed than he already was. He feels good at the time at least. 

After brushing his teeth and taking a quick shower, he pulled on his black jeans, glancing down at his arms. He had a name tattooed onto his right arm, and another on his neck that he'd received at birth. Everybody had one. 

One told him the name of his soulmate, whereas the other told him the name of the person who would kill him. However, he wasn't told which was which. Nobody was. Yet, he still knew which was which. He'd figured that out last year. His soulmate, he'd already seen around, but hadn't spoken to him. Yes, him. Youngjae is gay.

He wouldn't ever tell his homophobic parents that. Well, his mom, maybe. His dad. He wouldn't even think of it. 

But everybody at school knew Youngjae was gay. During one of his breakdowns, Youngjae had began telling some random student about himself as a way of getting everything off of his chest. Youngjae didn't know that they would tell. People began calling him names, laughing at him, discriminating against him. Youngjae never understood why. Why did you all have to be so horrible? 

Youngjae ran his thumb over the name on his arm, 'Jaebum'. 

After slipping on his black, oversized sweater, he left his dorm room. His clothes were black for a reason. A reason that he wouldn't talk to anyone about. They'd just use it against him. Like everything else.


	2. Chapter 2

Jaebum, on the other hand, was adjusting his lip ring, brushing his hair back and throwing on his white t-shirt and black ripped jeans. He pulled his black leather jacket on over it before he was pretty much all set to start his day. He stuck his half-finished math homework into his bag, curious as to how his day would go today.

Jaebum found school to be pretty mundane. Always the same. Yeah, maybe there were a few fights. Pathetic fights, though. He just wanted something new. Something to actually make his life interesting. Yeah, there's that little chubby kid that everyone seems to have an interest in, but he just seemed to be the same as everyone else. Just quieter. Lonelier.

His arm slipped under his bag before he hung it on his right shoulder, leaving his dorm room. He walked out, looking at the various different students that wandered around, mainly in groups of three or more.

Then he saw Youngjae, walking by himself before he entered the main building, heading to his first class. He ignored the mumbles and sniggers he heard around him, assuming they were directed at him.

After entering the class, Youngjae proceeded to sit at the back in the corner, just like usual. He wanted to avoid being spoken to by the teacher or anyone else - he never actually paid much attention in class, hence why his grades were so bad. He was always too occupied in his own thoughts.

Jaebum sat a few rows in front of Youngjae, not taking much notice to him. Jaebum wasn't one for bullying. He'd never spoken to Youngjae, and he didn't have a reason to either. Perhaps this was why Youngjae didn't mind being around him. He knew that Jaebum wouldn't hurt him like everyone else would.

Class had been Hell for Youngjae. Much like every class, he had people calling him names, throwing things at him when the teacher wasn't looking. One had even kicked the leg of Youngjae's chair, causing him to fall to the floor, gasping in pain as the class burst into laughter. These acts brought tears to his eyes which Youngjae blinked away, refusing to cry in front of everyone again. Jaebum just watched, a look of pity on his face before he turned back around.

Once lesson was over, Youngjae had left the room pretty quickly.

He paused in his tracks when one of the popular guys in the school, Mark, yelled 'YOUNGGAY', a grin on his face as he and his friends burst into laughter. Youngjae didn't say anything, he just stared at the floor. Mark was Youngjae's least favourite. He was the one who hurt Youngjae the most.

Turning on his heel, he rushed in the opposite direction, heading to the dorm rooms. He didn't want to go to class. This was becoming too much for him to handle, and the day had barely even started. With no one to talk to, and no one to look out for him, he was only growing weaker and weaker by the day, resorting to turning his mental pain into physical on his own body.

Mark had stepped forward to follow Youngjae before he was abruptly shoved against the wall by Jaebum. "Listen here, Tuan!" He said through gritted teeth. 

Mark's eyes were wide for a split second before his features relaxed, a slight smirk forming on his face.   
"What's your problem?" He sniggered, "He isn't your business." Mark added before Jaebum gripped Mark by the collar. 

"Why'd you have to humiliate him like that? Is it fun for you? Huh?! He hasn't hurt you, so just piss off and leave him alone!" Jaebum's grip tightened from his anger. 

He didn't know why he was so angry all of a sudden when he didn't even know Youngjae. He assumed it was just the fact that he didn't want to watch someone getting hurt like that for no reason, and decided to finally step in.

"Look, I don't want to start a fight here. You're just causing a scene. Let go of me, yeah? Let the kid stand up for himself. You're not his fucking bodyguard." Mark rolled his eyes before Jaebum shoved him against the wall once again, causing Mark to bang his head, but he didn't show he was in pain. 

"I swear, if you hurt him again, I won't hesitate to tell the teachers." Jaebum threatened, his eyes narrowed.

"I'm so scared! The teachers? Fuck, I'm in trouble now!" Mark gasped, sarcasm obvious in his tone. 

"And I'll get you myself! The same goes for your stupid friends." Jaebum let go of Mark, scowling before he walked away. He knew he'd most likely end up punching the guy. As much as he deserved it, he valued his grades at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be fights and it will get sadder prepare yourself fam <3
> 
> Thanks for reading I love you all
> 
> I’m not good at communicating so excuse my lack of words lmao


	3. Chapter 3

Jaebum ran a hand through his hair, staring ahead of him as he walked. He didn't understand why Mark acted this way. What the hell did Youngjae ever do to him? 

That's what he never understood about bullies. What drives them? What goes through their mind when they treat people like they do? Do they ever have any regrets? How much does it take before they realise the damage they've done? All of these questions flooded Jaebum's thoughts, and before he knew it, he was standing by Youngjae's dorm room. 

Youngjae was sat in the bathroom on the toilet seat, staring at his hands which were gripping each other loosely, sitting on his lap. His breathing was slightly irregular as he continued to fight back his tears. He used to be able to hold his tears until the end of the week before he'd have a breakdown. Now he could barely go two days without sobbing loudly in his bed or in the shower. It usually ended badly for him if he were in the shower. 

Youngjae stood up, his legs shaky as he ran the tap of the sink, splashing cold water onto his face. 'Man up, Youngjae.. You're just being an idiot.. Nobody cares that you won't be in the next lesson.. Not even the teacher will notice.. It isn't like you talk in class anyway..' He thought to himself. 

That was when he heard a knock at his door, and he immediately became hesitant to open it. He was afraid of who it was, and what they wanted to do to him. 

Standing by the door, he pressed one hand to the handle, taking a deep, nervous breath before clearing his throat. "Who is it..?" He asked, hoping his voice wasn't enough to show his sadness. 

"Jaebum. Can we talk?" He asked.   
Youngjae slowly opened the door when he knew it was Jaebum. Despite barely speaking to him, Youngjae knew he could be trusted. His name was tattooed onto his arm, after all. 

Youngjae glanced up at him, stepping aside. "You can come in.." 

Jaebum stepped inside, muttering a small 'Thanks' as he glanced around the main room. It was a mess. His desk was piled with unorganised papers, mostly uncompleted homework's, others drawings. The minority, Youngjae quickly cleared up, ripping the paper to pieces before throwing it in the bin. Jaebum furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at this, but he decided not to question it. He was here to comfort him, not pressure him. 

"So.." He began, "I spoke to Mark.." Scratching the back of his head, he took a seat on Youngjae's bed. He hoped he didn't come off as rude for this action - he'd just prefer to sit than stand, and the only other chair was the one by Youngjae's desk. Youngjae didn't seem offended by Jaebum's action, taking the space beside him before crossing his legs. 

Once Jaebum brought up Mark, Youngjae grew visibly paranoid. "What d-did he say?" Stammered Youngjae, fiddling with the ends of his sleeves.

Jaebum noticed this, "He just.. I'll get him to stop, okay?" He flashed a smile at Youngjae, which caused Youngjae to return a small smile back, but it quickly faded.

"How.. How will you stop him?" He questioned, looking down at his sleeves. "He isn't going to stop all of a sudden.."

Jaebum averted his gaze to other areas of the room while in thought, not actually having a useful solution. "I'll figure something out." He sighed, knowing he probably didn't appear to be much help to Youngjae. But, honestly, for Youngjae, he needed this. "Look, Youngjae.. I want to be your friend, okay? I know you need one.. And- Just to be clear, I'm not doing this out of pity or anything. I genuinely want to be your friend." Jaebum smiled warmly at him, Youngjae giving a nod almost immediately. 

"I want to be your friend too, Jaebum.." Youngjae was glad he finally had a friend, feeling warm inside. Youngjae actually felt happy. Well, a little less sad than usual. It seemed to take him a lot to be happy. He'd forgotten what that feeling felt like since it'd been so long. He would do his best to keep this friendship this time. 

"Please, call me JB." Jaebum chuckled, his words lifting Youngjae's mood.


	4. Chapter 4

Youngjae and Jaebum had spoken for about half an hour, Jaebum making dumb jokes which caused Youngjae to let out quiet giggles. Despite only talking for half an hour, Youngjae felt close to Jaebum. He didn't know if it was because he saw his chance for a friend, so he clung to Jaebum, him being the only one that's tried to be kind to him for the past year or so now. Or because he genuinely was getting along well with him. 

Jaebum knew that he was missing his lesson, but he could care less. Even if the school didn't think this way, Jaebum believed that someone else's feeling were more important. But, not many schools seem to think that way at all. Sure, maybe they'll have their own little room for a mostly untrusted counsellor, but despite 'helping students', they seem to still deem it okay to yell, pressure and break your mental state, one exam at a time. 

When people say school is Hell, they aren't joking. Youngjae can't even count the amount of breakdowns he's had because of school. The teachers' pressure, the life-changing exams, but the worst part for him: the students.

Everybody in high school just seems to be so horrible without reason. Everybody fights. Is it the pressure that does this to people? To they get so stressed that the only way they know to relieve that feeling is to hurt others? Why did they target me..? 

As much as Youngjae questioned, he got little answers in return. He was snapped out of his thoughts when Jaebum shifted in his seat, clearing his throat.

"Should we head back to class..? Do you think you'd be able to go?" Jaebum asked, concern evident in his voice. 

Youngjae smiled slightly, giving a small nod before he stood up. "I'll be fine.. Let's go to class.." 

Jaebum and Youngjae had left Youngjae's dorm room, walking down the hall before entering the science room. They apologised for being late, thankful that their teacher didn't question it. Youngjae sat at the back, Jaebum beside him. They didn't speak until the end of the lesson, and, fortunately for Youngjae, nobody bothered him. 

'My talk with Mark must've put some sense into him..' Jaebum thought as he left the classroom with Youngjae.

Jaebum and Youngjae had pretty much spent the rest of the day together, as well as giving each other their phone numbers so they could stay in contact. Youngjae had become close to Jaebum in such a short amount of time. For some reason that he couldn't answer, he just trusted Jaebum so much. Maybe it was the fact that his name is stuck on his arm, he wasn't sure. It signalled to him that they were meant for each other, at least. He wondered if his name was on Jaebum too.

Then the thought suddenly hit him. 

He'd never noticed his name to be anywhere on Jaebum yet. He hadn't seen his arms because of the jacket Jaebum wore. But what if his name wasn't on Jaebum? Surnames aren't specified, only the first name. What if it's a different Jaebum? What if Im Jaebum isn't the one my arm implies..?

The thought scared Youngjae. He didn't know why. 

He was beginning to hate why he thought the way he did. He just wanted answers. Everything that he thought either left him clueless or in tears.

Without realising, Youngjae found himself outside of Jaebum's dorm room, with Jaebum. He didn't seem to mind though. 

Opening the door and stepping inside, Youngjae followed behind, taking in Jaebum's room. It was much different to his own. It was tidy. His bed was unmade and the shorts he must've worn to sleep in last night were still on the bed. 

"Excuse the mess.." Jaebum murmured, walking to the bed and grabbing the shorts, stuffing them under his pillow before sorting out the creased blanket and patting the space beside him for Youngjae to sit. 

Not wanting to be rude, Youngjae sat down. He didn't know what to say, and his heart began racing with embarrassment and awkwardness. 

Jaebum lay down on the bed, his head against the headboard and his legs stretched out beside Youngjae. "Are you feeling any better? Better than before?" Jaebum asked.

Youngjae looked at him, giving a quick nod. "Yeah..! Definitely.. I made a friend," His statement caused Jaebum to smile. "So I'm honestly happier than usual.." He added, crossing his legs like he usually does. 

Youngjae heard his belly rumble quietly, vibrations being sent through his abdomen. Jaebum must've heard it, because he pulled his legs up to his chest and sat up. "You want to get something to eat?" He raised an eyebrow, to which Youngjae shook his head slowly.

"I'm fine.. I ate earlier.. I'm not hungry right now.." His words confused Jaebum. Youngjae hadn't eaten at all today. He didn't get anything at lunch either. 

"Are you sure..? You didn't eat at lunch earlier." Jaebum remembered.

"I'm on a diet." Youngjae's excuse was. In truth, he'd been called 'chubby' on multiple occasions by Mark. After a few weeks of Mark's hurtful words, he'd began to believe them. He'd stopped eating as regularly, maybe a small snack every two days. Youngjae's sweater, which he wore all of the time to hide his body, covered how skinny he was. His legs showed that though. 

"Come on, I'll pay. Let's eat! It can be a date." Jaebum chuckled, which Youngjae must've taken seriously because his thoughts left his mind and he stared at Jaebum. 

Jaebum only grinned in response to Youngjae's expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2Jae is moving forward~ 
> 
> 2Jae has always been my favourite GOT7 ship. Well, that and Jinson. And Markjin. 
> 
> I hope you all are liking this so farrrrrr! 
> 
> Bye bye <3


	5. Chapter 5

'Did Jaebum just say what I thought he said?' 

Jaebum laughed, standing up. "Youngjae, come on!" 

Youngjae stood up slowly. "A date..?" He asked. "We've only known each-"

"I was joking, Youngjae." Jaebum sighed, rolling his eyes but he still wore a smile on his face. "You looked shocked. Did you actually want to go on a date?" He asked, his grin returning again. 

Jaebum found this all too amusing. In his eyes, Youngjae looked pretty cute with his cheeks a faint shade of pink, confusion written all over his features. 

"I-.. Let's just eat.." Youngjae muttered, a little quicker than intended before he left the room. Jaebum followed him out. 

Jaebum and Youngjae settled for McDonald's. They aren't just going to go to some fancy restaurant. They're not rich or anything. Plus McDonald's tasted better and it was cheap. Heaven on a plate. 

However, Youngjae's eyes were scanning across at the different food advertisements. "These are really unhealthy, you know.. I told you I'm on a diet.." He mumbled, glad that the place wasn't packed full of people otherwise his anxiety would be going crazy.

"Youngjae, you need some flesh on your bones. One McDonald's isn't going to hurt you, okay? I promise you that." Jaebum glanced around, grabbing Youngjae's hand before leading him to the corner, sitting at an empty table. Youngjae took the seat opposite him, unsure of Jaebum's sudden actions. "Has Mark said something to you..? To make you.. Not like your body..?" Jaebum questioned quietly. He was leaning partly over the table so Youngjae could hear him better over the sound of other customers.

Youngjae stared at him for a few seconds. He didn't want Jaebum to start a fight with Mark. What if he got hurt? What if Mark hurt them both? He didn't want to worry him either, so he shook his head. "Mark doesn't say much to me.." He moved away slightly, looking away.

Jaebum knew he was lying. 

Of course he was lying. What Mark did earlier wasn't just a one time thing. He'd seen it all before. The way Youngjae would walk into the bathroom after, looking around as if making sure no one's watching. The way Mark would just sit and grin when watching Youngjae have a breakdown. 

Jaebum thought Mark was insane. What kind of person finds pleasure in an innocent guy's pain? 

Jaebum wasn't so sure as to how to get Youngjae to eat a lot or to open up to him. He hoped that, as their relationship grew deeper, Youngjae would open up. He needed him to so he could help him. 

"You don't have to eat a lot.. Do you just want some fries..?" Jaebum asked, deciding not to question Youngjae about Mark as he didn't want to make him feel pressured to say anything. 

Youngjae looked at him, assuming that Jaebum won't stop until Youngjae ate something. That was the only thing Jaebum wanted to pressure him to do. He has to eat something. It's important. "Could I.. Just have a fruit bag..? Or two..? Or maybe we could go somewhere else and buy a sandwich.." Youngjae suggested, not enjoying the environment he was in.

As much as Jaebum was craving for a delicious McDonald's, he threw away his wants for a Big Mac for Youngjae. And he didn't just throw away fast food for anyone.

They settled on buying two sandwiches from the store. When Jaebum asked for what he wanted, Youngjae just said 'Surprise me'. Jaebum bought himself ham and lettuce, and Youngjae tuna and cucumber. 

After receiving the sandwich and noticing the slice of cucumber sticking out, he opened up the sandwich, his face scrunching up in disgust as he began picking out the cucumber. Jaebum watched, laughing. "Sorry, do you not like cucumber?" 

"I hate them.. Do you want them..?" He asked. Jaebum shook his head, smiling. "I'm good. There's a bin there." He nodded to the bin and Youngjae put them in it. 

They both settled down on an old wooden bench. The sun had set and it was now getting dark, but the stars couldn't be seen due to the clouds which covered the sky.

"I want you to let me know if Mark says anything to you.. Okay?" Jaebum looked at Youngjae, leaning forward slightly. Youngjae glanced at the floor, giving a small nod. He knew he probably wouldn't, but he'd say that to keep Jaebum from being worried.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The trigger warnings apply to the end of this chapter.

Youngjae and Jaebum had headed back to Jaebum's dorm to spend some more time together. Youngjae wanted to spend as much time as he could with Jaebum, having grown so close to him and all. Despite not sharing much about himself, he wanted to know more about Jaebum. 

Youngjae was in the corner of Jaebum's bed, laid down with his head sunken into his pillow. It was comfier than his own, that's for sure. 

Jaebum was beside him on his phone, his fingers tapping away at the screen as he sent text messages, probably to a friend or something. Jaebum soon let out a groan, dropping his phone onto his chest before letting out a sigh.

Youngjae raised an eyebrow, looking at him. "Is something bothering you..?" He asked, Jaebum averting his gaze to Youngjae.

"Yeah.. My friend's just being a jackass.." He let out a small chuckle. His friend, Jinyoung, had been suggesting about Youngjae and Jaebum dating. Jaebum's phone vibrated on his chest, so he picked it up slowly, his eyes scanning over the text message on his screen.

Jinyoung:   
Why not? Don't you think it'd work? 

Jaebum:  
We just met. We barely even know each other. Wouldn't it be reckless to rush everything? Besides, you have to think about how he feels too.

Jinyoung:  
Well, you're not wrong. Since when did you become the smart one? 

Jaebum:   
Shut up. 

Jinyoung:   
Is his name on your body somewhere?

Jinyoung:   
Hello?

Jinyoung never received a reply after that message, so he decided to just leave him be. 

"Are you sure everything's okay..?" Youngjae sat up slightly, concerned that his friend was saying bad things to him or something. Perhaps his past experiences are what caused Youngjae to think this way. 

"Youngjae, it's fine, I promise," Jaebum smiled at him, happy that Youngjae was concerned about him over the smallest of things. It showed that Youngjae did care about him. "My friend is just fooling around as usual." 

Youngjae lay back down, nodding slowly in response. He didn't want to go on his phone. He only did if he really had to, scared that he'd have some bad message left for him. It had happened before, so who's to say it wouldn't happen again, right? Everyone just seemed to want to find any possible excuse or way they could to hurt him somehow. 

Silence filled the room, but it wasn't the awkward kind of silence. They both felt comfortable just laying with each other in peace. The silence gave them both time to think.

Youngjae's sleepless nights of crying left him with black bags under his eyes, his body reacting to what his mind wanted. He yawned softly, his eyes slowly closing subconsciously. 

It only took Youngjae a few moments before he was fast asleep, rolling onto his side with his arms bent in front of his, his knees digging into Jaebum's thigh as he pulled them up. This caused Jaebum to look at him, realising he was most likely asleep due to the sound of his breathing. 

"Youngjae..?" He whispered.

After getting no reply, he just smiled. He didn't want to move Youngjae and wake him, and it wouldn't hurt to let him sleep there, plus Jaebum thought he looked kind of cute when he was sleeping. He looked at peace, no worries on his mind.

Jaebum's eyes glanced down from his face to his arm, seeing half of the 'M' in cursive writing on Youngjae's arm.

Curiosity got the best of Jaebum and he carefully rolled up Youngjae's sleeve to the name. He regretted his action immediately. 

Scattered all along Youngjae's arm were cuts of all different shapes and sizes, some deeper than others. There were scars, yet many of them had been cut over again. However, not a single wound touched the name on his arm. That was the only clean part of his arm Jaebum could see. 

Actually, Jaebum couldn't see. His vision quickly grew blurry due to the tears that had formed in his eyes, his heart racing and aching from the pain of knowing what Youngjae has been doing to himself.

Why? Why did he feel he need to do this? Who did this to him.. 

Jaebum couldn't look at them anymore. He didn't want to see the mental pain Youngjae had gone through placed onto his physical, broken skin.

He carefully pulled down Youngjae's sleeve, laying down and staring at the ceiling. Pressing a hand to his heart, he took deep, slow breaths in an attempt to calm himself down. 

Jaebum blinked his tears away. He didn't want to cry. 

That was when he decided. He was going to help Youngjae. He'd seen the name on his arm, and he knew this is what he's supposed to do. 

Jaebum rolled onto his side, facing Youngjae before he gently wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a gentle, calming hug. 

Youngjae sighed softly in his sleep. Perhaps, for once, Youngjae would sleep peacefully. Whereas Jaebum on the other hand knew he would probably stay awake for most of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo Jinyoung’s first introduction~ 
> 
> And then a pained Youngjae :(  
> And sad JB :( 
> 
> I never said that things would get better rip
> 
> Hope you’re all liking this so farrrrr


	7. Chapter 7

Jaebum's phone alarm screeched through the room, waking up both Jaebum and Youngjae. Youngjae's head was on Jaebum's chest as his eyes opened, whilst Jaebum was still hugging Youngjae as if someone was trying to take him away. 

After realising the position he were in, Youngjae quickly sat up, looking at Jaebum. "Sorry-.." He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. Youngjae really did get a peaceful sleep last night. It was the first time in a while he actually got some good sleep. 

Once Jaebum looked at Youngjae, memories of last night, when he saw his arm, flushed through his mind, fear flooding his emotions. He couldn't bring it up though. He wasn't even supposed to know about it. 

"It's fine..!" Jaebum replied, forcing a small smile. 'You have to push those thoughts away right now, JB.. Youngjae needs a happy guy.. He'll only question it if you show you're sad..' "We should get ready for school." Jaebum added, getting up and out of bed. Youngjae followed suit, holding his own hands together. 

"JB.. Uh-.. Sorry for falling asleep here.." Youngjae was staring at the floor as he spoke like a guilty puppy. Truthfully, Youngjae was worried that he'd done something bad by staying there. Maybe Jaebum didn't want him to? He didn't want to lose his friend. 

Jaebum waved his hand dismissively, smiling. "Don't apologise, it's fine, really. You can stay here as much as you like!" 

Youngjae smiled at his response, glad that Jaebum wasn't angry at him. "Okay.. Thanks..!" 

Youngjae soon went back to his own dorm room as he needed to get changed and brush his teeth and hair.

Once they were both ready, they didn't have much time to go and see each other as they had different classes. 

Youngjae didn't have class with Mark next, so he wasn't so nervous as to go to class this time. He hoped he'd be able to work peacefully. Well, he never worked, so think peacefully. 

Youngjae sat at the back of the class to hopefully avoid anything getting thrown at him. Taking out his exercise book and pen, he opened it to the last page, beginning to doodle rather than taking notes as to what the teacher were saying. 

Class had soon ended and Youngjae hadn't been caught out or bullied. He felt fine. Usually when people asked how he was, he'd just say 'Fine' but not mean it. For the first time in a long time, he truly did feel fine. Well, he felt better than fine. Not great, just happy. Content. 

And it was all thanks to Jaebum. 

When he was around Jaebum, sure, he felt awkward a lot of the time, but he was slowly growing more and more comfortable. His mood always lifted when he was around Jaebum too. 

Maybe that's why he was already falling for him? He is the only person to actually show some kind of love to him. Yeah, friendly love. But Youngjae's always been the guy to fall in love too quickly. 

But he always got hurt by it.

But Jaebum's his soulmate, right? So he wouldn't get hurt this time, right? 

Once break time arrived, Youngjae made his way to the bathroom to wake himself up a bit despite having a full night of sleep. Youngjae pulled out his phone, clicking onto Jaebum's contact. 

Youngjae:   
Hey, I'm just heading to the bathroom real quick! I'll meet you outside.

Jaebum:  
Okay! I'll wait for you! 

Youngjae stood by the sink, staring at himself in the mirror as he let out a sigh. "Today's a good day.." Youngjae muttered to himself, allowing a small smile to grace his lips. He dropped his bag onto the floor by the sink to take some weight off of his shoulders.

He turned on the tap, allowing the water to run and he cupped his hands under the water to catch it before splashing it onto his face.

Youngjae heard the door open and glanced to look at it before realising who it was. He quickly averted his gaze back to the tap, turning it off and slinging his bag over his shoulder so he could leave quickly. 

As he reached for the door, Mark grabbed his arm. 

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooo boi what happens next only I know muhahahaha I’m sorry I’ll leave


	8. Chapter 8

Youngjae felt his heart instantly pick up in speed once Mark grabbed his arm. It stung. His eyes trailed down to Mark's hand, trying to pull his arm away. 

"L-Let go.." Youngjae stuttered, causing Mark to laugh as his grip tightened. 

"Why? You hiding something? You been slitting your wrists?" He sniggered, knowing full well how he made Youngjae feel. Despite that, he didn't give a single shit about him. "Or is there a name you don't want me to see?" Mark asked curiously, his other hand hooking under Youngjae's sleeve to pull it up. 

Youngjae's other hand immediately grabbed Mark's. "I said let go!" He raised his voice slightly, the fear of Mark seeing what he'd done to himself terrifying him. Who knows what Mark would do with that information? 

Mark's hands left Youngjae's arm, only to attach themselves to his collar. He shoved Youngjae against the wall, holding him in place. "You better watch who the fuck you think you're talking to." Mark snarled. "You expecting that Jaebum guy to just swoop in and play hero? What the fuck have you been telling him, huh?!" 

Youngjae could tell that Mark was growing pissed. It didn't take much to anger Mark. The second he didn't get his way, his cruel comments became physical attacks. Youngjae had seen it before.

At lunch during summer last year, Mark was out playing football with his friends. Youngjae watched from a safe distance the way Mark's expression instantly turned into one of anger once some definitely stupid kid kicked the ball at Mark, hitting his head. The way the kid laughed at him must've been the final straw before Mark went for him. 

"I haven't said anyth-"

"Don't fucking lie to me!" Mark yelled, cutting him off as his face grew closer to the younger's. The volume of Mark's voice caused Youngjae to flinch, his legs beginning to tremble out of fear. He didn't say anything. He didn't want to. 

He wanted to fight back but he couldn't. 

That was when Youngjae felt a fist collide with his jaw, causing his knees to give up on him out of shock from the unexpected attack. 

A kick to his stomach caused all of the air to leave his body, his breathing becoming irregular as his body tried to get back the oxygen he'd just lost. 

A cry of pain left Youngjae's lips as Mark continued his attacks, kicks and punches, as Youngjae could do nothing other than curl up into a protective ball and silently beg for Mark's actions to stop.

Youngjae knew that he was crying. His hands had wrapped around his head, elbows over his face as his knees pulled up to his chest in defence. 

That was when he heard a slam and loud yells coming from around him. He felt sick, he couldn't take any of it in. His vision was blurry and he was bleeding from his nose, bruises already beginning to form on his face and body. 

Jaebum, after waiting a good 5 minutes, impatiently grew bored of waiting for Youngjae so he decided to check the bathroom to make sure everything was alright. That was when he walked in on a sight he most definitely wouldn't want to have experienced. 

Anger quickly boiled in his stomach, his body tensing. 

He wasted no time and ripping Mark off of Youngjae, slamming him into the opposite wall, a series of yells from Jaebum filling the room afterwards. 

Jaebum threw a punch to Mark's abdomen, causing him to double over in pain after letting out a loud groan. 

Jaebum almost continued his actions on Mark, but a whimper and sob from Youngjae caused him to pay his full attention to Youngjae. 

"Shit, Youngjae.." He stepped away from Mark, crouching down beside the injured boy. He didn't know what to do in a situation like this. 

Jaebum carefully hooked his arm's under Youngjae's body, picking him up. Youngjae gripped onto Jaebum's shirt in an attempt to relieve himself of some of the pain. 

Jaebum absolutely hated this sight. Seeing Youngjae so weak and damaged caused his heart to ache. 

Neither said anything as Jaebum left the bathroom, rushing down the hall and out of the main building. 

"I'm taking you to my dorm, okay.. I have a First Aid kit there.. You need rest in some actual bed, not some shitty medical room one.." He explained, only receiving a small nod from Youngjae who still was unable to stop his tears. 

It seemed that Youngjae's day wasn't so good after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip Youngjae 
> 
> It’ll be okay don’t worry 
> 
> Well actually
> 
> Things might be getting worse oops
> 
> <3


	9. Chapter 9

Youngjae was now gently placed in Jaebum's bed, staring at the ceiling. One hand was placed over his abdomen, the other wiping the blood from his nose. He was still shaking from the pain, tears running down his cheeks. 

Jaebum was beside Youngjae, the First Aid kit on his lap as he took out some wipes. He quickly headed to his kitchen, grabbing the ice pack out of the freezer before returning back to Youngjae's side.

Jaebum carefully wiped the blood from Youngjae's nose and lip before pressed the ice pack to one of his bruises. 

"I'm sorry, Youngjae.." Jaebum mumbled, hating seeing Youngjae in this state. He wished that he could've been there for Youngjae more, but deep down, he knew that what happened today was probably his fault. He began to regret confronting Mark. 

Youngjae's eyebrows narrowed in confusion at his statement. "What are you sorry for?" 

"I should've come sooner.. I just-.. I hate seeing you this way.. I hate seeing you when you're sad or hurting.." Jaebum's eyes were fixed on the First Aid kit. He soon averted his gaze to Youngjae. Youngjae's hand came up to the ice pack, holding it as Jaebum let go. "Get some rest.. I'll stay here with you.." He added and Youngjae gave a small nod.

His body felt weak and tired due to the previous attacks from Mark. He handed the ice pack back to Jaebum who closed the First Aid kit, putting it back in his original place before placing the ice pack back in the freezer. 

Youngjae had gotten himself under the covers. Despite Jaebum's help, he was still crying, negative thoughts clouding his mind. Jaebum watched Youngjae for a few seconds before he lay down beside him, putting an arm around him protectively. 

"It's okay, Youngjae.. Everything will be alright.. I'm here for you, okay..? Whatever you want to tell me, you can trust me with it.. No matter how weird you think it may be, I won't treat you any differently, I promise.." Jaebum comforted, bringing a hand up to wipe the tears from Youngjae's eyes. 

"Y-You promise that..?" Youngjae's voice was quiet. It cracked as he spoke. 

Jaebum replied with a nod. "I promise."

Within half an hour, they were both fast asleep. This time, however, Youngjae was cuddling Jaebum, holding onto him as if his life depended on it. Jaebum made him feel safe. He was able to let Youngjae sleep without having his usual nightmares.

Two hours or so later, Jaebum began to stir, his eyes slowly opening. He felt that his neck was wet and immediately grew confused until he realised that Youngjae's head was resting there. Youngjae had dribbled on him in his sleep. 

Jaebum didn't know how to feel about that. 

He sat himself up, wiping the saliva from his neck with his sleeve. His actions caused Youngjae to wake up, confused as to why the corners of his lips were wet, so he wiped them. 

"Hi, you dribbler." Jaebum grinned slightly at Youngjae's shocked expression. 

"Sorry-..! I didn't know..!" Youngjae exclaimed.

Jaebum laughed, an amused grin on his face. "It's fine, don't worry about it." 

Silence quickly filled the room. Youngjae seemed too embarrassed to talk and he was thinking about what happened earlier with Mark. 

Jaebum saw his expression change into one of sadness, so he decided to try and lift the mood. "I heard there's a party tonight..! Do you wanna go? You need to loosen up a little and have some fun instead of thinking about the shitty things.." Jaebum suggested. Youngjae looked at him in thought.

"I'm not sure.. I'm not really.. Social.." Youngjae admitted, although it was kind of obvious with how he never spoke to anyone willingly other than Jaebum. 

"I'll be there, so I'll look out for you!" Jaebum smiled. "But you don't have to go, it's completely your choice," He added, wanting Youngjae to be comfortable.

Youngjae looked at Jaebum. He trusted him, and he also liked forgetting about his awful feelings by drinking alcohol. So, why not? Once he's drunk, he's drunk, right? 

Youngjae gave a small nod. "Okay..!"

Jaebum was his soulmate. He'd seen his name on Youngjae's arm littered with cuts. 

This helped Youngjae to feel safe around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you know that one of the names Youngjae has on his body is ‘Jaebum’. 
> 
> I wonder what the other one is :) 
> 
> What do you guys think? 
> 
> <3


	10. Chapter 10

Jaebum had done Youngjae's make up for him as Youngjae wanted to hide his facial bruises the best he could. The ones on his body could easily be hidden by his clothes. 

Youngjae put on some black jeans and an oversized black sweater on. Jaebum was wearing some black ripped jeans, a white t-shirt and his jacket on over it. 

Once ready, Jaebum linked his arm with Youngjae, giving him a reassuring smile. "It'll be fine, okay? I'm going to stay with you." 

Youngjae glanced up at him, nodding. "I know.." 

The pair soon made it to the party, heading inside. They were met with loud music, people talking and laughing. There were lots of people, and this began to cause Youngjae to worry a little. 

Jaebum held Youngjae's hand, giving it a squeeze. "What drink would you like?" 

"I'll just have whatever you're having.. But.. Just something that'll get me drunk quickly.. I want my anxiety to pass.." 

Jaebum took note of that as he approached the bartender, paying for a few shots of vodka for the both of them. Youngjae was fine with this though. He wanted to get wasted.

After paying for them, he gave Youngjae a shot, which Youngjae gulped down. Jaebum did the same. "Thanks, Jaebum.." 

40 or so minutes passed and Youngjae was watching Jaebum, laughing at any little thing he does. He seemed to find everything hilarious. Jaebum found this quite amusing, plus he was happy to see Youngjae so happy. He had an arm around Youngjae, a little tipsy himself. 

"Jaebuuum!" Youngjae whined, hugging him. Jaebum looked at him, hugging him back hesitantly. 

"What's up, Youngjae?" Jaebum asked, confused as to why Youngjae suddenly decided to cling onto him. 

"I have to peeeee!" He declared, causing Jaebum to laugh at his random comment. 

"Then go to the bathroom!" Jaebum rolled his eyes. 

"I can't! I have a secret!" Youngjae's voice raised as if he was hurt by Jaebum's suggestion of going to the bathroom. Again, Jaebum couldn't help but laugh at Youngjae's comment. 

"What is it?" Jaebum leaned back, still hugging Youngjae. 

"I loooove you!" Youngjae confessed, a cheesy smile on his face. Jaebum's laughters died down, his face quickly turning into one of confusion. 

"Youngjae.. You're drunk.." Jaebum let out a small chuckle. "You're not thinking straight.." 

Youngjae pulled away from their hug. "Accept my love! I worked so harrrd to make you happy and this is how you repay me..?! I'm breaking up with you, JB!" Youngjae declared, Jaebum unable to stop laughing at his drunk rambling.

"Okay, Youngjae." He chuckled, hugging him again. Youngjae hugged back and huffed. "But I love you too." He added, a small smile on his face. He knew Youngjae wouldn't remember those words as he was drunk. 

"I still have to pee.." Youngjae muttered. "I'm gonna peeee!" He got off of Jaebum, running to the bathroom. 

Jaebum watched Youngjae as he ran off, sighing. 'Does Youngjae even know where the bathroom is?' He thought. 

Youngjae looked around, unable to find any signs which led to the bathroom. He approached a woman that were talking with her friends. "Excuse me!" Youngjae smiled at her. 

The woman turned around to face him, smiling when she saw him. "Hi! Is something wrong?" She asked, leaning down slightly as she was taller than Youngjae. 

"Where's the bathroom?" Youngjae questioned and the woman giggled, pointing over to the closed door near the bar. 

"Thank youuuuu!" Youngjae hugged her before he left. The woman smiled, turning back to return to her conversation with her friends. 

Youngjae entered the bathroom, doing his business before washing his hands, looking at the bruises on his face which weren't as visible now due to Jaebum's help with the makeup. 

The door opened and Mark came in laughing with two other friends. These other friends also hated Youngjae for unknown reasons, and after finding out what Mark did to him, they laughed and said that he 'deserved it'. 

Youngjae turned to face Mark, not saying anything. He remembered how Mark had beaten him up. 

"Oh, hey, Youngjae." Mark said, a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cute lil’ drunken Youngjae~ 
> 
> But Mark’s back again 
> 
> DrAmA
> 
> I feel like I’m more excited than you guys at my own story 
> 
> I will celebrate by myself hahaha
> 
> I’m so lonely
> 
> Thank you for reading I appreciate it and I love you all 
> 
> <333333333


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning Apply Here

Youngjae felt fear run down his spine. "Hi, Mark.." Youngjae said quietly, his excited demeanour suddenly changing. 

Mark took a few steps towards the younger, brushing his hair back. "You know, I'm sorry about what I did the other day.." He admitted.

Youngjae gave a small nod. "It's okay.." His smile began to return on his face knowing that Mark was just here to apologise, not to hurt him. 

"Yeeaah.. I'll make it up to you, don't worry." He smiled again, but this time he had this glint in his eyes. One that Youngjae couldn't understand. 

Mark took a few more steps forward, effectively backing Youngjae up into a corner. Youngjae's smile began to fade at this action. 

"What are you doing..?" Youngjae asked, his voice slowly becoming shaky. 

A small grin made its way upon Mark's face and he licked his lips. "Making it up to you.. Just as I said I would.." One of Mark's arm were against the wall by Youngjae's head, effectively trapping him between the wall and himself. 

As Mark's head began to slowly dip towards Youngjae's neck, Youngjae's breathing began to pick up speed. "Mark.." He mumbled. 

Before Youngjae knew it, Mark's lips were latched onto the younger's neck, licking and sucking, leaving purple and red marks in different areas. 

One of Mark's hands trailed down, palming Youngjae's crotch as he smirked. Youngjae let out a gasp, his hands coming up and gripping at Mark's shirt. "M-Mark..! Cut it out..!" He pleaded, but Mark only continued sucking, his tongue trailing down to the boy's collar bone. 

Youngjae was a virgin. He'd never been touched there before, and he certainly didn't want it from Mark. 

That was when one of Mark's friends pulled him away. "Come on, Mark. Do you really want to touch him? You're drunk, let's just go." He told him. Mark just huffed, complaining about how they're 'no fun', but he left with a wink to Youngjae. Youngjae could feel himself become on the verge of tears. 

He pulled his sweater up as high as it could go, hoping to cover the marks on his neck. 

Youngjae walked out of the bathroom, pushing through the people. He kept his head down, not looking at anyone. Jaebum was still patiently waiting for Youngjae to come back. He was drunk, so he figured that was why he was taking so long. 

Youngjae left the party, running back to the dorms as tears began to flow down his cheeks. 

Youngjae:   
Hey, JB.. I'm going back to the dorms. I feel a little sick, sorry 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More sadness and there’s plenty more to come :( 
> 
> Mark is a dick 
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter (despite the sadness)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings Apply Here.

Youngjae stared at himself in the mirror. His heavy eyes red and swollen with tears, his pupils dilated from the bright light. Black, purple bags seated comfortably under his eyes. Youngjae had been sleeping fairly well lately due to being with Jaebum, but it didn't seem to be enough to satisfy his tired brain. 

His lips quivered, struggling to keep in his sounds of agony. That's how he felt. In agony. 

Cheeks red and stained with tears, shoulder shaking, legs trembling and his hand reached for the razor blade that were messily placed between the two taps of the sink. 

His other hand reached for the cold tap, washing the blade from the previous dried blood from when it had last been used. 

Once he deemed it clean enough to not give him a noticeable infection, Youngjae gave another look at himself. He dropped the blade back in the sink, using his two hands to pull off his sweater, revealing the three hickeys Mark had left him with. 

Youngjae stared at them, his vision blurry from the tears that sat in his now closed eyes. He couldn't bare to look at himself. He felt disgusted in himself. 

'You could've pushed him away..! You could've done something but you didn't! You're just so fucking weak, Youngjae! Stop acting like people actually give two shits about someone like you! You are stupid.. You're fat.. You're fucking disgusting.. Just like they all say.. They don't say it to anyone else but you.. Because everyone else is normal..' 

Voices like these screamed at Youngjae. The voices always came to hurt him when he felt like this. But they were the only ones that had never left him before. 

They befriended him when the bullying began, and they brought Youngjae to do things to himself. But he'd feel better afterwards. Just a little bit better. 

This was why Youngjae saw them as his friends.

Youngjae's eyes slowly opened and he picked up the blade again, his hands shaky as he held out his right arm. He hovered the blade over a visible vein in his wrist, staring at it for a while... 

He thought 'Not yet..', holding on to the little hope he had left that things would get better.

Youngjae's hand slowly moved up a little, coming down to his arm before he allowed himself to create a shallow cut. His arm twitched slightly from the pain, but he didn't stop. He only continued to make more, allowing the blood to drip into the sink as tears flowed silently down his cheeks. 

The cuts began to get deeper and deeper, Youngjae's breathing heavy. It hurt. It fucking hurt, but he didn't want to stop.

'Everything will be alright.. I'm here for you, okay..?' Jaebum's voice echoed in Youngjae's head. 

Jaebum. 

He had Jaebum. Jaebum cared about him.. Right? 

'What would JB say if he saw this.. He'd be hurt..' Youngjae thought to himself, staring at his bleeding arm as he slowly placed the razor blade down. 

Youngjae reached over, grabbing some tissues and wetting them with cold water, beginning his usual procedure to clean himself up. 

He dabbed at his arm, wiping away the blood. More only leaked out of each cut though. Youngjae would let it drip on its own, dabbing it every once in a while. He'd only use his bandages if he began to feel light headed, and he did. 

Standing up, he reached for the bandages in the cupboard above the sink. He wrapped them around his arm messily, turning the tap off. 

Once finished, he stood up straight, staring at himself in the mirror once again. 

His eyes and mind were empty, showing no emotion. His lips were straight, no longer twitching and his arm was beginning to slowly stop bleeding, some of the crimson coloured blood seeping into the bandages. 

Youngjae lifted his head up slightly, staring at the hickeys one last time as he thought of ways in which he could hide them. 

He'd have to wear a scarf. Hopefully nobody would question it as it was summer. Well, the only person that actually speaks to him is Jaebum anyway, so hopefully he wouldn't question him about it. 

Youngjae tilted his head to the side slightly, averting his gaze to the name on his neck. The person who would end his life. 

Youngjae had been surprised to know that it wasn't Mark's name who wore itself on his neck. Although it didn't exactly shock him either. The name on his neck made sense. 

The name that let him know who would be the one to kill him. 

He gently ran his fingers over the small name, taking a deep breath before releasing out a sad sigh as he thought of his fate. He could do nothing to change that name. The one he'd known his entire life. 

'Youngjae'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moremore sadness don’t cry pls
> 
> I’m not sorry 
> 
> Bye~ 
> 
> HoPe yOu lIkE iT


	13. Chapter 13

That night, Jaebum had gone home after knowing Youngjae had left. He couldn't help but worry about him, and he had a strong temptation to go to his dorm room and check on him, but he chose not to, remembering that Youngjae said he'd message him. 

Jaebum stood in his room, drinking some water before he pulled off his shirt. He looked down at his chest, glancing at the word, 'Youngjae' before he looked away. 

Youngjae's name was the only name on Jaebum's body. 

Most of the time when someone only had one name, that meant that they didn't have a killer. They'd die from natural causes or a tragic accident. 

Only in rare cases would one name mean both soulmate and killer. 

Jaebum then unbuckled his belt, unzipping his jeans before letting them drop to the floor, kicking them to the side. 

The only thing Jaebum wore for bed were boxers. He didn't like wearing many clothes in bed. 

After slipping into bed, Jaebum rolled onto his side, taking out his phone. Youngjae hadn't even been online. 'He must be sleeping..' Jaebum thought, putting his phone on charge before allowing his eyes to close. 

The next morning, Youngjae awoke to his alarm going off as usual. He felt awful. His arm was hurting, bandages stained brown with dried blood. His head were pounding with an unbearable headache. Youngjae woke up many time last night and it would take him about 10-20 minutes just to get back to sleep. 

Youngjae didn't get out of bed until 10 minutes later, stumbling to the sink before taking some tablets and drinking water. He groaned in pain, taking off his bandages and throwing them in the trash.

His eyes scanned across his arm. He didn't touch any of the fresh cuts, instead, he began to get ready, doing his best to ignore the pain throughout his body.

Jaebum had gone through the same procedure as Youngjae, now putting on some clothes. 

Youngjae had specifically chosen a black, baggy sweater. Black to hide any blood in case his arm began to bleed, and baggy so it didn't sting so much. He tried to ignore that fact that he looked 'fat' in it. 

 

Youngjae soon thought of Jaebum. He needed to message him. 

Once Youngjae picked up his phone, he realised it was vibrating with spam text messages. They were from his parents.

The latest one being from his dad. 

Dad:   
You're a bender. 

He grew confused, seeing the ones from his mum. 

Mum:  
Choi Youngjae ! Your father and I are disgusted in you and your actions ! Do you think we pay for you just so you can go sleeping around with men ?! Why men, Youngjae ?! Why ! Why couldn't you have just been born normal like everybody else ?! You're going to Hell for your sins ! I suggest you go and pray forgiveness at ONCE ! Your father and I do NOT want to see you ! You'll just come home with your neck all red and a boy trying to get inside your pants ! You stupid boy ! Your sister was always our favourite ! I cannot believe this ! 

Youngjae was frozen from his mother and father's texts. 'What are they talking about? How do they know I'm gay..?' 

Youngjae also had 6 missed calls from his dad and 13 from his mum. 

Mum:   
Reply to me at once, Youngjae ! Explain yourself ! 

Mum:   
Your father is coming to get you. 

Dad:   
You fucking little faggot. You know your mum's pissed at you. What the hell made you think you could go around sleeping with other guys? 

Dad:   
I thought we brought you up better than this, Youngjae! Which faggot went around influencing you to be one of them?! 

Dad:   
I swear to fucking god, if I see you and you're acting like a fucking queer with make up on and your voice sounding like a girl I'm going to kill you. 

Youngjae didn't read anymore. He had more texts from his parents, but he couldn't read them. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, his heart thumping in his chest and banging in his ears. How? How did they know? 

Youngjae couldn't move. He began breathing heavily in panic, his body beginning to shake. 

It hurt so much hearing words like that from your own parents. 

The ones that always called him their 'little angel' and their 'baby boy'. The ones that spoiled him with sweets and presents. The ones that loved him. 

Youngjae couldn't breathe. 

He began to suffocate in his own sadness, unable to do anything. 

He needed Jaebum. Youngjae saw that he began to get tagged in posts, getting messages from other students at the school. 

-Unknown-:   
How did you get to sleep with Mark? You of all people? I never thought he'd go for you. 

~Unknown~:  
Since when were you such a slut? 

:  
Gimme some of that ass 

Youngjae began to receive all sorts of messages like this. He clicked on the photos he were being tagged in. It was all the same photo. 

It was a photo of him and Mark. 

A photo of what happened last night. 

Online, for everyone to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof drama
> 
> Have fun 
> 
> Have a good day 
> 
> Adiós 
> 
> <3


	14. Chapter 14

Youngjae didn't message Jaebum. 

He didn't want to speak to anyone. He just wanted to lock himself up in his room and stay by himself. 

Was his dad really going to come for him? He hoped to God that he wouldn't.

Youngjae's body wouldn't stop shaking. His blood wouldn't stop running and his heart wouldn't stop racing. 

Youngjae felt his phone vibrate. Jaebum was calling him. 

Youngjae hesitantly answered the call, not saying anything as he pressed his phone to his ear. 

"Youngjae..?" Jaebum asked.

Youngjae didn't reply.

"Hey.. Youngjae.." He paused. "Can I.. Can I come over..?" 

"No.." Youngjae's voice was quiet. 

"Please, Youngjae.. I know you're not sick.. I want to help you.. Please.." 

"I said no..! I don't want to see anyone!" He snapped, causing Jaebum to go silent for a few seconds before he spoke again. 

"Youngjae, listen.. I know you didn't let Mark do what he did to you willingly.. I don't know how far it went, but it's not my place to ask that.. I won't look at you any differently than I already do now.. Please, just let me see you.. I want to help you.."

Youngjae stayed silent for a few seconds in thought. "Fine.." He muttered, ending the call.

A few minutes later, Jaebum walked into the room to find a sobbing Youngjae sat on his bed. Jaebum rushed over to him, embracing him in a hug. 

Youngjae took out his phone, giving it to Jaebum. "R-Read the texts.. From my parents and random people.." He said through tears. 

Jaebum wasn't sure if he wanted to, but he did anyway.

Eyes wide and mouth open in shock, Jaebum put Youngjae's phone down, hugging the quivering boy tightly. 

"Youngjae.. Listen to me.. It's gonna be okay.. Your parents are just angry because they've interpreted those pictures wrong.. They don't know what's really going on.. And those people.. Everyone in this damn school are just dicks.. They just choose to target you.. I swear I don't know why.. There's nothing wrong with you, I promise you that.." Jaebum rubbed Youngjae's back comfortingly, resting his head on top of the younger's. 

"You're beautiful, you really are.. You're not fat.. You're not ugly.. You're not any of the horrible things that people tell you that bring you down.. I swear.. I love you, Choi Youngjae.. I honestly do.. And I want to do anything I can to help you and make you happy.." He confessed. 

Youngjae had resumed his crying, this time, his head was buried in Jaebum's chest. His tears were a mixture of both pain and happiness. He'd never been told such kind things from anyone before. He was so grateful that he knew Jaebum. He truly was.

"I-I love you too, JB.." Youngjae's voice was muffled due to the fabrics of Jaebum's shirt. A small smile reached his lips and he kissed Youngjae's forehead, holding him. 

"I'll always be here for you, Youngjae.. No matter what other people think.. I only see the good in you.. If you have anything on your mind, you can share it with me and I'll listen.. I won't judge you for it.. I'll just listen and do my best to help you.." 

Youngjae didn't say much in response. He just listening, taking in the kind words from Jaebum as he tried to process them. How could someone be so kind? Through all of the disgusting, horrible people there are, it doesn't seem like people like Jaebum would even exist anymore. 

The pair spent the whole of first period cuddling, Jaebum doing his best to comfort Youngjae who had eventually stopped crying. 

Jaebum was glad that he'd managed to convince Youngjae to let him come over. If he didn't, Youngjae would most likely still be sobbing. Chances are, he'd be doing bad things to himself too. 

"JB.." Youngjae spoke up, causing Jaebum to look at him. 

"Is everything okay..?" Jaebum questioned. 

Youngjae gave a small nod. "I just think we should head to class.. I haven't been in a while.. So I need to go.." 

Jaebum sat up slowly. "Okay.. But only if you want to.. We both know that people won't be so kind.." 

"I know.. I'll be fine.. You'll be with me, so I'll be okay.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some cuteness for you all :)) 
> 
> Comforting JB is a good concept
> 
> Youngjae loving JB is a good concept 
> 
> 2Jae in general is a good concept
> 
> Thank you for reading <333


	15. Chapter 15

The second the pair walked into class together, Jaebum heard someone mutter, "He's tryna get into Jaebum's pants now?" 

Jaebum glared, unsure of who said that. Youngjae had hidden his neck with a scarf, sitting down at the back with Jaebum. 

Mark was in the same class as the pair of them, his eyes on Youngjae for the majority of the period. Youngjae knew Mark was watching him and he felt extremely uncomfortable and nervous, but he just stared at anything but him, pretending that he had no idea he was even there. 

Mark's lips tugged into a slight grin when he saw Youngjae's scarf, knowing exactly why he had it on. He didn't say anything, but he didn't pay attention to the teacher either. 

A lot of people seemed shocked at Youngjae, not seeing him as the kind of guy to just 'get it off' with Mark. But of course, they didn't know the real story. 

Youngjae hated that. 

He hated how everybody just judged one another, spreading rumours without even confronting the people involved first. People must've taken Youngjae gripping Mark's shirt in the picture as pulling him closer, but in reality, Youngjae wanted him to stop. 

At least one person- No, four people knew the truth. 

Him, Jaebum, Mark, and Mark's friend.

Jaebum felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. His first thought was that it would be a comment from someone about him and Youngjae. It couldn't have been from Mark as he wasn't on his phone. 

He was surprised to see it was from Jinyoung. He hoped to God that it wasn't anything bad about them or Youngjae.

Jinyoung:  
Hey, we haven't spoken in a while. Are you okay? I heard about these rumours about Youngjae.. People are saying about how he's cheating on you or something too.. Are you guys even a thing? I don't mean this to be offensive at all, I'm just curious. I don't want you or your friend to be upset. 

Jaebum couldn't help but smile at his friend's concern. He knew that Jinyoung was a smart guy. He doesn't just believe any rumour that's been told. He waits for the truth before making any judgements. 

Jaebum:  
Hey, Jinyoung...   
Yeah, I'm fine. Well, I'm doing a little less than fine, but you don't have to worry. But to answer your question, Youngjae and I aren't a thing.. Officially, anyway. I went to his dorm this morning.. I told him I love him.. He said he felt the same way.. I'm glad you're not believing the rumours. I'll have to introduce you to Youngjae properly. I'm sure he'd like you! But, if he's comfortable with it, we'll tell you what really happened later. 

Jinyoung:  
I'll be glad to meet him! And I understand. Please don't push yourselves to tell me anything. I'm not going to ask anything else of you unless I believe it to be appropriate. 

Jaebum loved Jinyoung. Not in the gay way, just the friendly love. 

Jinyoung and Jaebum had been best friends since they were kids as their parents knew each other. They also went to the same elementary school. 

Then they were split apart for a few years as Jinyoung's dad paid for him to go to a private all boys school. Jinyoung had to beg his way out of it after a few months, wanting to just go to a normal school. 

Sure, he was popular there and he fit in with the other rich kids, but he just didn't like anybody there. They were too stuck up for his liking, bringing down anyone who they deemed to be unworthy and constantly having competitions about 'who's parent has the most money'. 

The second Jinyoung was allowed to choose which school he wanted to go to, he chose the one Jaebum went to. Their friendship continued on. 

Jinyoung was also gay, by the way, and he had one name on his wrist. Since he already knew the person of who was on his wrist, he was able to work out that he was more likely to die of a natural cause rather than being killed by his soulmate. 

Jaebum began tapping away at his phone screen once again. 

Jaebum:  
Maybe we could come and see you in my dorm room? I just think Youngjae would feel more comfortable if he's in a place he's used to.. He obviously has anxiety so I don't want to make him nervous.. But I'm sure he doesn't think bad of you anyway! And thanks again for being so understanding. But, why are you of all people texting in class? You're all anti-breaking-the-rules. 

Jinyoung:  
My friend is more important than my grades. 

That was all Jinyoung replied with. 

Jaebum:   
Aw, thanks, Jinyoung. Anyway, I'll text you later. See you. 

Jaebum glanced at Youngjae who was colouring in the boxes of his math book paper. He wasn't paying attention to any of the lesson, but Jaebum didn't really expect him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyyyyy Jinyoung is back 
> 
> Thank you all for reading <333


	16. Chapter 16

The sound of the school bell caused Youngjae to snap out of his thoughts, glancing around as people began to emerge from the classroom.

Jaebum stood up, taking Youngjae's hand in his own. Youngjae's eyes widened slightly at this, but he held Jaebum's too, allowing Jaebum to know that Youngjae was somewhat comfortable with this action. 

"Youngjae, I have a friend that I want you to meet after school. Is that okay with you?" Jaebum asked as they made their way down the hallway to their next class. 

Youngjae seemed slightly nervous at this, knowing they'd know about the rumours. Everybody knew. 

"Well.. What's he like..?" Youngjae questioned, curious about Jaebum's friend. 

"He's very understanding. He's really kind and always willing to listen and not judge. He's called Jinyoung, I'm sure you've seen him around?" Jaebum explained. "We've been best friends since we were kids. And when he hears rumours, he won't judge the people involved until he's found out the truth.. He doesn't believe any of the rumours and he'd like to meet you and be your friend..!" 

Youngjae had seen Jinyoung around before, but they'd never spoken apart from when Youngjae knocked his pen off the desk and Jinyoung picked it up for him, Youngjae giving a thanks afterwards. 

"He seems nice from how you're describing him.. And he must be nice if you're friends with him..! And I have seen him before.. He's the straight A student, right..?" 

Jaebum chuckled, giving a nod. "That's him." 

Youngjae raised an eyebrow before speaking. "Where will we all meet..?" 

"My dorm? I can tell you seem fond of my room, and I want you to be comfortable because I get that you could be nervous with everything that's going on.." Jaebum said, concern in his voice at the thought of Mark. 

Youngjae was thankful for Jaebum's consideration. "Okay.. Sure.." 

Youngjae always tried to seem a little more lively when around Jaebum, not wanting him to worry about him all the time. 

He couldn't help but feel guilty for everything Jaebum does for him. How does Jaebum feel about this? Is he okay with it? 

The end of the day soon approached. 

Lunchtime had been awful for Youngjae. 

Him and Jaebum were just sat at a table, Youngjae having small amounts of Jaebum's lunch as he didn't want to get some out of the fear of becoming 'fat', but Jaebum encouraged him to at least eat some of his. 

Youngjae never saw the person coming up behind him. The first thing the student did was pull off Youngjae's scarf, causing him to go in full panic mode. 

Next, he found himself dripping with noodles that had been tipped onto him. Jaebum was furious. 

He'd snatched the scarf back and yelled at them to leave before he took the on the verge of crying Youngjae outside. Once out, Jaebum wiped the noodles off, having to take Youngjae back to his dorm room to wash off. 

Youngjae stared at the floor as Jaebum got Youngjae a spare change of his own clothes as Youngjae's clothes were in his room. Jaebum had picked out a long sleeved sweater he had, knowing Youngjae wanted to hide his arms, but Youngjae still had no idea that Jaebum even knew about them. 

"Youngjae.. Do you want shorts or trousers?" Jaebum asked. 

The scars on Youngjae's legs were barely visible, and they were high up so the shorts would cover them. "I'll take the shorts please.." 

Jaebum's trousers would probably caught him to trip over from them being so long on him anyway. 

Jaebum gave a nod, putting the clothes and a towel in the bathroom. "You go have a shower.. We're spending the rest of the day here.." 

A few hours had passed since then and Youngjae was in Jaebum's arms, his head on his chest and their legs intertwined. 

"Jinyoung'll be here soon.." Jaebum told Youngjae, who replied with a small nod.

"Thanks for helping me all the time.. And for making me feel happy.." Youngjae muttered, closing his eyes.

Youngjae smiled at the younger's words. "Anytime.. I'm always here to help you.. And if I'm not, just text me.. I'll always be ready for you.." 

Jaebum heard a knock at the door. 

"That's must be Jinyoung," He looked at the door. "Come in..!" 

The door opened, Jinyoung taking a step inside. His black hair was slightly disheveled, probably from the wind. He was wearing a short sleeved white t-shirt with some blue jeans.

"Hey guys.." A small smile was on his face as he closed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorrysorrysorry this chapter was pretty boring 
> 
> It’ll get better :((
> 
> Thanks for reading <333


	17. Chapter 17

Jaebum could tell that Youngjae had began to grow a little nervous at the new person. They both sat up, Jaebum putting a comforting arm around him, holding him close. 

Jinyoung approached the bed, sitting at the end before flashing a small smile at Youngjae, "Nice to meet you, Youngjae.. I'm Park Jinyoung.." He introduces himself, holding out his hand.

Youngjae glanced at Jaebum before he shook Jinyoung's hand loosely, "Choi Youngjae.." He murmured. 

Jinyoung looked back at Jaebum. 

"Jinyoung?" Jaebum asked, causing Jinyoung to hum in question as a response. 

Jaebum cleared his throat before speaking, "Who's name do you have on your body?" This question caught Jinyoung by surprise. "You know mine now, it's kinda obvious, so what's yours?" 

"Isn't that a little personal-..?" Jinyoung wasn't exactly embarrassed to tell. It wasn't something that would be a secret forever and he knew that. He also knew that he could trust Jaebum. 

"Come onnnn, tell me?" 

"Maybe some other time.. We're here to talk about something more important, aren't we?" 

Jaebum then averted his gaze to Youngjae. "Jae.. You remember when I told you about Jinyoung earlier this morning..? And about how he wants to be your friend?" Jaebum reminded him, causing Youngjae to nod in return. 

"Should we tell him the truth about the rumours?" Jaebum asked him, looking at Jinyoung who quickly spoke. 

"Only do it if you're comfortable..! I don't want to force you into anything.." 

Youngjae took note of Jinyoung's consideration for his feelings despite barely knowing one another. 

"I'll tell you.. I'd rather people know the truth than start believing the stupid rumours.."

Youngjae began explaining the whole situation to Jinyoung, including about how Mark had beaten him up a while before. He told him about how at the party, he got drunk and Mark starting kissing his neck and touching him in places he didn't want to be touched. 

He told Jinyoung about how Mark stared at him throughout all of his classes he had with him. Jinyoung had a straight face the whole time, listening intently to Youngjae's explanation. 

Once Youngjae finished, a long silence filled the room until Jinyoung decided to break it.

"Have you not told the school about it..? You could get him kicked out.." Jinyoung suggested. "Or you could've told your parents about it?" 

Youngjae shook his head, his face twisting into a sad one at the mention of his parents. "My parents hate me.." Youngjae mumbled. "They saw the pictures and made their assumptions.. They don't like how I was 'getting it off' with someone else.. Or that I'm gay.. They were really angry at me.." He paused before continuing, "Dad said he was coming to get me.. But he still hasn't.. So I think it's okay.. But I'm not going home. I don't want to see my parents.. Not even my damn parents love me.."

Jinyoung looked down as he listened. Once Youngjae had finished, Jinyoung took a deep breath. Jaebum was holding Youngjae's hand the whole time. 

"Youngjae.. I'm sorry to hear about that.. I'm sure they still love you.. They can't just stop because of your sexuality and some stupid photo.." Jinyoung sighed. "Man, I hate homophobes.." 

Another silence fell upon the three. 

Jaebum decided to lighten up the mood a little. "Jinyoung! Who's name is on your body then?" He flashed a small grin. Jinyoung just rolled his eyes. 

"I don't even like the guy now so I have no idea how he could possibly be my soulmate.." Jinyoung mumbled, an angry, yet upset expression forming on his face. 

Jaebum raised an eyebrow at this, suddenly growing both confused and curious at the same time. "Is it.. Someone you don't like?" Jaebum dared to ask, hoping it didn't upset Jinyoung by bringing up any possible past memories. 

Jinyoung just took a sharp inhale, staying silent for a few seconds before he began to speak again. "It's somebody who I despise." 

Jaebum began to grow a little worried, "Who..? Can you tell me..?" He asked. 

"It's..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like leaving things on cliffhangers but you guys probably don’t find it as exciting as I want you to hahahaha 
> 
> I hope you liked that chapter! 
> 
> Thank you for reading <333


	18. Chapter 18

Mark Tuan.

Mark fucking Tuan. 

The guy Jinyoung despised. The one who drove him crazy. 

He hated how Mark always felt it necessary to hurt anyone around him. He doesn't show pity for anyone. He doesn't even care about anyone! 

Jinyoung had never been able to stand the guy. He was always out to get someone. Always ready to fight any innocent person that walks by. 

Jinyoung remembered hearing about a girl that had to move to a different school because of him. She deleted every social media page she had. 

All because of Mark Tuan. 

Just because he finds odious joy in hurting other people. He seems to enjoy it so much that he never stops. 

Victim to victim. 

Someday it'll backfire on him. 

And Jinyoung cannot wait until that day comes. 

Jinyoung shot a small glance to Youngjae, then at Jaebum. "It's Mark.." 

Youngjae's eyes broadened in shock, his muscles tensing at the name. 

"But it'll never happen." Jinyoung stated. "Not a chance. Not with him." 

"Why would you have his name.. You wouldn't ever love him.." Youngjae murmured. Jinyoung only shrugged.

"I have no idea.." He sighed. 

"Will you ever tell him? Like, tell Mark he's supposed to be your soulmate?" Jaebum questioned, to which Jinyoung instantly shook his head. 

"No way." 

Another silence fell upon them. 

Whilst Jinyoung was there, they all chose a movie to watch. Youngjae and Jaebum spent the time holding one another, Youngjae's eyes fixed on the Peter-Pan movie that Youngjae had suggested. 

Jinyoung and Jaebum short each other a glance before sighing quietly, agreeing to watching the film for Youngjae. 

Jinyoung was beside Jaebum, his head rested against the wall with his arms folded across his chest comfortably. 

Once the movie had finished, Jinyoung checked the time and realised how late it was getting. "I have to go home and do some studying.." He lifted himself from the bed, standing up, "So I better get home.. But thanks for having me round." He smiled. "It was nice meeting you, Youngjae." 

Youngjae gave a small nod and a smile. "It was nice to meet you too.."

After Jinyoung had left and gone back to his dorm, Jaebum had gone back to cuddling Youngjae. He may come off as clingy, but he just desperately wanted Youngjae to realise that he is loved and he is wanted by at least someone. 

Youngjae's head was buried in Jaebum's chest, his eyes closed as Jaebum ran his fingers through the younger's hair. 

Jaebum could hear Youngjae's stomach rumble quietly. "You hungry?"

Youngjae shook his head slowly, "I'm fine.." He muttered, words muffled from Jaebum's shirt. 

"Why don't we go get something to eat?" Jaebum suggested, still wanted Youngjae to eat more and be healthy.

Youngjae let out a quiet sigh, "Okay.. But not McDonald's.. That's unhealthy.. We could just get a sandwich again..? But no cucumbers.." 

Jaebum let out a quiet chuckle, giving a nod before he sat up slowly. Youngjae moved his head away from his chest.

The pair walked to the store, the sky now dark and full of dark grey clouds, moonlight barely seeping through. 

Jaebum had once again paid for their food as Youngjae barely had any money. His parents didn't want anything to do with him either so they wouldn't be so eager to help him out. 

Sitting on the same bench as before, they ate their sandwiches in silence. 

Jaebum stared at Youngjae as he ate. 

He felt so happy every time he saw Youngjae eat. He was happy because it meant Youngjae was a bit healthier and would hopefully get some meat on his bones. 

Jaebum didn't want the poor boy starving himself over something Mark probably said to him. 

"Youngjae.." Jaebum said, causing Youngjae to glance up at him, "What did Mark say to you to make you hate your body..?" 

"How do you know it's Mark..?" Youngjae asked quietly, clearly a little nervous at what Jaebum had brought up. 

Jaebum averted his gaze to his sandwich as he took another bite. "It wouldn't be anyone else.." 

Youngjae stared at his feet, his sandwich in his lap. "He's called me fat a lot.. He told me that nobody wants to be my friend because of my body.. But now it's just because I'm a 'slut'.." Youngjae whispered the last word as if it was a deep secret. 

Jaebum's grip on his sandwich tightened slightly before he put it in the box and threw it in the bin. He looked at Youngjae, putting his hands on his shoulders as he looked him in the eye. 

"Listen to me Youngjae. Who do you trust more, me or him?" His voice was slightly deeper and it sounded like he was growing angry. 

"Y-You.." Youngjae was slightly fazed by Jaebum's sudden grip on his shoulders and tone of voice. 

"Then trust my words more than his..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooof Mark bad boi
> 
> More caring Jaebum for you all because I’m 2Jae trash 
> 
> Thank you for readingggg <333


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings Apply Here

Youngjae nodded at Jaebum's statement. 

"You are not fat." Jaebum told him, "As I've said so before, I'll say it a million times if that's what it takes for you to believe me. You are not fat. You're underweight. You're skinny. If anything, you need to eat more.. I love you, Choi Youngjae, and I wouldn't lie to you. I wouldn't lie to you about anything. I promise you, I swear, you're not fat or even chubby.." 

Youngjae stared back at Jaebum, unable to form any words. He'd never had anyone be so truthful. Youngjae felt like the luckiest person in the world to have Jaebum's name on his body. He couldn't have asked for a better name and a better person. 

Youngjae put his sandwich down on the bench, not intending to eat anymore. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around Jaebum tightly, not caring if it caused his own arms to hurt a little. 

Jaebum was shocked at this sudden action, not expecting it from the usually terrified Youngjae. 

Jaebum allowed his arms to wrap around the other. "I promise you, you're not fat.." He repeated, causing a small smile to tug at the corners of Youngjae's lips. 

Jaebum pulled away slightly to look at him. "Do you trust me on what I say?" 

Youngjae glanced up at him, giving a small nod. "I do.. Thank you.." 

A smile graced Jaebum's lips and he kissed Youngjae on the nose. "I'm glad I can help you.."

Jaebum noticed the way how Youngjae's cheeks were flooded with a light pink colour, his pupils that dilated and the way his lips turned up in a smile, trying to hold back a laugh. 

"I'm glad there are still people like you out there.. People who are kind.." Youngjae let out a small sigh, pulling away from the hug and leaning against Jaebum, his head on his shoulder.

"Someday.. Maybe it won't be soon.. But someday I hope you come to the realisation that you are loved.. You're adored.. You're wanted and you're not any of the things those bad people tell you.." Jaebum said quietly, causing Youngjae's eyes to fill with tears. 

"I-I don't deserve you.. I really don't.." Youngjae's voice was shaky. Jaebum kisses his cheek lightly.

"No, Youngjae.. I don't deserve you.." 

An hour had passed and Youngjae was back in his own dorm room, asleep in his bed. 

Jaebum had stayed with him until Youngjae was asleep, but he had to leave because Jinyoung had asked for him to go to his dorm for some help on one of his class projects. 

"I think he's getting better." Jaebum said, on his phone to research the facts Jinyoung needed. 

Jinyoung gave a nod. "That's good. You're good to him," He smiled. "He's lucky to have you, you know?" 

"Ah, I just hope I can help him.. He doesn't deserve what he gets from everyone else." 

"He doesn't. He's kind and hasn't done anything wrong." Jinyoung stated truthfully.

Jaebum just sighed, sitting up straight. "Here." He handed his friend his phone with the information before helping him write it onto paper. 

Jaebum couldn't stop thinking about Youngjae. 

Youngjae was hugging his teddy bear to his chest tightly as if he were hugging Jaebum, his breathing calm. 

Youngjae looked calm too. 

Every since Jaebum became a part of his life, he'd stopped having his traumatising nightmares. That, he was thankful for. 

Youngjae remained asleep when his door creaked open, light shining through. 

Quiet footsteps made their way towards the peacefully sleeping younger's bed, a hand reaching out and brushing the hair out of Youngjae's eyes before he was rolled onto his back. 

A set of lips roughly latched onto Youngjae's, causing his eyes to shoot open and his body began to quickly fight back at the sudden action. That wasn't Jaebum. No way was that Jaebum. 

Jaebum was gentle. He was loving. 

The lips didn't pull away until Youngjae was almost suffocating from the lack of oxygen, tears quickly filling his eyes as he stared at the figure that towered above him. 

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he came to the realisation of who was in his room. "Mark..?" 

Youngjae couldn't think. The only thing running through his mind was 'RUN'! But he couldn't.

His body wouldn't obey his commands.

Youngjae's breathing began to grow heavy from fear as he quickly sat up, only to be pushed back down again and straddled. 

"JAE-!" Youngjae yelled, only to be cut off by Mark's lips on his own yet again. 

Mark wasn't drunk this time. He didn't smell or taste of alcohol. 

The rustling of clothes could be heard, Youngjae's panicked cries resonating through the room as he silently begged for Jaebum to come to his room. 

Quiet gasps and grunts were all Youngjae could hear. Every other sound was blocked from his ears as he lay there, frozen in place, unable to move. He wanted to move. He needed to move. But his body wouldn't obey his commands. 

And Mark enjoyed every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyyyy more cuteness for you 
> 
> But then I crush it
> 
> Sorry
> 
> Mark’s a dick
> 
> Have a good day 
> 
> Thanks for reading <333


	20. Chapter 20

Youngjae didn't understand what he did to deserve that.

He didn't understand why Mark did what he did.

If anybody saw the state Youngjae was in, he'd cry. Well, he already was crying. 

But he'd be overwhelmed with embarrassment. Oh, wait. He already was.

His body was scattered in bruises from Mark's fingerprints which held his hips. 

Everywhere from his waist and below ached to move. 

He knew he had to tell Jaebum, but he couldn't. He had to tell someone to get Mark arrested. But he couldn't. 

Youngjae couldn't do anything. 

He wanted to tell someone, but at the same time, the thought terrified him. 

There wasn't a word to describe how awful Youngjae felt.

He couldn't even cry anymore. He was completely empty of tears.

Jaebum will notice. 

He knew that Jaebum would notice, but he couldn't tell him anything. 

He wouldn't tell him anything. What would Jaebum think of him? He'd just think he was disgusting. He wouldn't want to help him. He'd leave him. 

It was now 8:13am. Youngjae was in the same place Mark had left him, in the same condition Mark had left him in. His clothes were ripped and discarded elsewhere in the room and he lay, curled up in a ball as tears soaked the pillow beneath his damaged head. 

His sheets were also stained with blood. Not from hurting himself this time, but because of Mark hurting him. 

Youngjae didn't want to move. He didn't even want to live. 

That's what he wanted. 

He wanted to disappear. 

Just like he'd wanted since he met Mark. 

Jaebum, on the other hand, had awoken and was ready for his day at school. He couldn't wait to see Youngjae. He wanted to see his smile. 

Youngjae could feel his phone vibrate. He knew it would be Jaebum. 

He weakly reached out an arm, grabbing his phone and reading the text. 

Jaebum:   
Good morning, Sunshine! 

Youngjae:   
Not coming to school today

Was all he replied with. 

Jaebum:  
Why not? Are you okay? 

Youngjae:  
I feel sick

Jaebum began to worry for the younger. The last time he felt 'sick', something bad had happened that he didn't want anyone to find out about. 

Jaebum:   
Do you want me to come and get you some medicine? 

Youngjae:  
No thank you. I'll message you later, I'm gonna rest, night

Jaebum:   
Oh, okay! Get well soon! ❤️

Jaebum never received a reply. 

If only he knew that he'd never receive a reply again. 

Jaebum:  
Jinyoung. Something's happened to Youngjae. 

Jinyoung:   
What do you mean? 

Jaebum:   
Just, something bad. He won't tell me about it. He said he's sick but I know he's not.. He doesn't want me to go to him either though. I offered to get him medicine but he said no.

Jinyoung:  
Well maybe he just doing want you to go to his room because he doesn't want you to get sick? 

Jaebum:   
No, Youngjae doesn't want me to go because he's sad.. The last time he was 'sick' he was just sad and didn't want me to know about it.. 

Jinyoung:  
What if he is just sick this time? He could be, you know. I mean, you were with him until he went to his room and slept, so maybe he just had a nightmare? 

Youngjae wished it was just a nightmare. He'd rather it be a nightmare. 

Jaebum:   
Maybe.. But still.. I can't help but worry.. I'm going to go check on him after school's over. I have to make sure he's okay, but I'll leave him for now so he can rest up in case he really is ill. 

Jaebum was walking to class when he saw Jinyoung, walking over to him. 

"Jinyoung, hey." Jaebum greeted him.

Jinyoung turned to face him, "It'll be okay, JB. Youngjae will be fine, okay? Try not to worry too much." He reassured, giving him a small smile.

Jaebum just sighed, nodding slowly, "Okay..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SuSpEnSe
> 
> Is this dramatic
> 
> Is this good
> 
> Am I a good writer or am I bad
> 
> Please tell me
> 
> I love you all 
> 
> Thank you all for reading <333


	21. Chapter 21

Jaebum had spent the entire day worrying about Youngjae. 

He couldn't help but think that he wasn't actually sick, but rather something bad had happened to him. 

The thought scared Jaebum. Youngjae seemed like he was starting to get happier... He wouldn't want him to fall down that dark hole again. 

Jaebum cared for the younger deeply. He cared so much that he didn't actually think he could care for someone so much that he'd known for such a short amount of time. 

Sure, he cared for Jinyoung too, just as much. But the way he cared for Youngjae was different and unexplainable to him. 

He told himself that he would go and see Youngjae after school with some painkillers to make sure that he was okay. 

Jinyoung had offered to go with him, but Jaebum told him it was fine. 

The reason he didn't want Jinyoung to go was because if something had happened to Youngjae, he probably would be less willing to share it if Jinyoung was there. 

Whatever it was, Jaebum wanted to know. 

He couldn't help him if he didn't know what was wrong, and that was all Jaebum wanted to do. He just wanted to help him. 

By the time his final lesson had arrived, he could see Mark sat alone at a table, looking lost in thought with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

That's when Jaebum had the sudden thought. 

Mark's done something to him, hasn't he. 

Jaebum couldn't help but panic at the different ideas of what Mark had done - if he had.

He thought back on the night of the party where Mark had done terrible things to the innocent boy. 

What if it was worse? 

'No. It was late at night. Mark would've been sleeping anyway.' He tried to reassure himself. 

Jaebum's heart rate had picked up in speed a little at the possible thought. He found himself unable to concentrate on the work set on his desk in front of him, his hand clutching his pen but not moving to write anything down. 

A bead of sweat trickled down from his forehead to his neck which he wiped off with his wrist. 

Jaebum pulled his phone out under the table, clicking onto Youngjae's contact. 

Jaebum:  
Hey, Youngjae! Are you feeling any better? I'm gonna go to your room after class and check on you okay? 

Delivered 1 minute ago. 

Delivered 5 minutes ago. 

Delivered 20 minutes ago. 

Jaebum only began to grow more panicked after not getting a reply. "He's just sleeping.." He reassured himself. 

Delivered 35 minutes ago. 

Jaebum:   
Hey, Youngjae won't reply to my text... Do you think he's okay? 

Jaebum sent to Jinyoung.

Jinyoung:   
Stop worrying, JB. I'm sure he's fine. There's only 5 more minutes until class ends, it'll be okay.

Jaebum just let out a quiet sigh, watching the clock as the time goes by.

The second the bell rang, Jaebum quickly gathered his things, stuffed them in his bag and raced out of the classroom.

Jaebum sped out of the main building, heading to the boys dormitory. He saw Mark walking inside, but he ignored him, going upstairs and down the hall, straight to Youngjae's room. 

He stood outside of the door as if hesitant to go inside. 

He didn't know why he felt so afraid. 

Jaebum's hand clenched into a fist as he knocked on the door. "Youngjae..?" He said quietly in case he was sleeping, "Can I come in?" 

"..." Jaebum received no reply. 

He knocked again to no avail. 

After about two minutes of just standing there in thought, he reached his hand up to the door handle, slowly opening the door.

Jaebum took a step inside, his eyes growing wide when he saw that the room was empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TENSIoN 
> 
> SuSpENsE
> 
> I’m not going to apologise for anything that may happen
> 
> I am not responsible for any past or future tears for anything that may happen 
> 
> I love you all 
> 
> Thank you for reading <333


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings Apply Here

Jaebum saw a bunch of papers and drawings on Youngjae's desk. Ones that weren't there before. 

Out of curiosity, Jaebum walked over to the desk. It was a messy sketch of him and Youngjae smiling. This brought a smile to Jaebum's face. 

He saw a little paragraph in the corner, his eyes scanning over it. 

To my JB, 

I love you very much so I wanted to draw this for you! I hope you like it! 

Love, Youngjae 

x x x  
x x  
x

Jaebum's smile widened at Youngjae being so thoughtful.

Jaebum placed the drawing back on the desk, not wanting it to get creased.

That was when he noticed a small, circular wet patch on the paper. There were two. 

Was Youngjae crying when he did this? 

Why would he be crying? 

Jaebum glanced around again before he eyes scanned the desk, seeing an envelope. On the front it said 'For Jaebum' 

Jaebum slowly opened it. A folded piece of paper was inside which he carefully unfolded, beginning to read it. 

‘My love, Jaebum. 

I'm so sorry that it came to this.’

'Came to what?' Jaebum thought. 

‘Maybe it was too soon. Maybe I should've waited longer and hold onto the hope that things would get better.

But I had no hope left, Jaebum. 

I was lost. I felt alone. I felt as though I had no one who cared. 

Deep down, I knew you cared. But it just didn't feel like it, no matter how much or how hard you tried to keep me happy and smiling. 

I'm sorry that all of your hard efforts went to waste. That's all I do, Jaebum. I waste people's time, just like I've wasted yours. 

You were the only one that ever valued my existence. The only one who cared about me. The only one who saw my suffering and tried to help me through my pain. You were the only one who truly loved me. Yet I still didn't feel loved. 

I'm writing this letter to you so that you have some closure. I figured that my death would effect you one way or another. Perhaps it will effect Jinyoung too, which is why I'd like you to tell him thank you for listening to me and wasting his own time to stay with us. 

But the person who I really want to thank is you.

Thank you so much, Jaebum. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being the only one to make me truly happy and truly smile. Thank you for your hard work and efforts to make me better. Thank you for buying me food to keep me healthy and thank you for standing up for me against him.’

Jaebum's eyes were filled with tears that slid down his cheeks, his hand shaking as he read the handwritten words on the paper. 

‘This had to happen, Jaebum. I know it isn't nice for you, but it helps me. It may not seem like it, but it really does.. I won't have to suffer anymore. 

My pain will be gone soon, and the thought makes me happy. But not the good kind of happy. It's a weird kind of happy. 

I have a lot of reasons for my death, Jaebum.  I'm not so sure if I should tell you who's responsible, although I'm sure you already know. 

Everyone who isn't you and Jinyoung just hates me. 

I wish I could know what I did wrong, but nobody would ever tell me... I'll never know these answers now... 

I didn't do anything to hurt anybody.. I got hurt and I'm the slut..  
I get made fun of for being fat so I starve..   
I was told to hang myself once.. But I didn't. I didn't because I had hope. 

And then you came along and I was happy again. 

But then Mark grew more dark. 

So much more... I didn't know he would ever do those things to me.. 

The final straw... The final straw was when he... took my virginity away from me last night, the night you stayed with Jinyoung... But please don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault, there was nothing you could do. I promise you Jaebum, non of this is your fault. 

Again, I want to thank you for all of the times you've made me smile and you've made me feel as though I'm cared for and important in this world.

But I know that I'm not. I'm just another lowly boy in college that everybody hates for whatever reason, and that lowly boy got sad and his bully did something terrible to him that you don't know about.

Jaebum, I ask of you just one thing. It's the final thing I will ask you. Please stay happy. Please keep smiling everyday because your happiness is my happiness and without it I'm sad. 

Please, please, please stay happy.   
Please don't let my death effect you too badly. 

I don't mean much anyway. 

I'll watch over you and I'll try to guide you if the afterlife is a thing, although I heard suicide is a sin so I might end up in Hell.

I'm sorry that this letter is so long. When I started writing it, I wasn't expecting it to be. 

I knew that this was inevitable... My own name is written on my neck, I was going to end my own life eventually.. It was fate.

I love you so much, Im Jaebum. 

Thank you for being so kind and for loving me. 

I'm sorry.

Lots of love,

Choi Youngjae 

xxx’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry 
> 
> No I’m not
> 
> But I am 
> 
> Have a good day 
> 
> Thank you <333


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings Apply Here.

Jaebum could feel silent tears stream down his cheeks at what he'd just read. 

'It can't be.. What is this..?! This isn't-..' 

Jaebum never thought he would walk into his loved one's room and find a suicide note. 

Maybe Youngjae isn't dead yet..? Maybe that's why it's just on his desk!

But then Jaebum caught a glimpse of a few specks of blood that leaked under the crack of the door leading to the bathroom.

Jaebum could hear his heart beating wildly in his ears, his blood rushing in panic of what was on the other side of that door. 

He took a few steps towards the door which he feared to open. 

His sweaty hand rested on the door knob, opening the door a few seconds later. 

He felt his heart stop at the sickening sight before him. 

There lay Choi Youngjae in the bathtub, his clothes still on but his sleeves rolled up. 

Once arm hung out over the edge of the tub, the other resting on his stomach, but wrists slit deeply. The water was red with blood, some which pooled onto the floor.

Youngjae's head rested on his shoulder, his eyes wide open, filled with fear and cheeks stained with tears.

Jaebum felt his stomach twist and his heart break at the sight before him. His mind was completely empty, unable to process the sight of Youngjae in that state.

As much as he wanted to look away, he couldn't tear his eyes away from Youngjae's body. 

Jaebum suddenly came back to his senses and before he knew it, he was crouched beside the bathroom, hugging Youngjae tightly as he sobbed loudly and screamed for help, as well as Youngjae's name.

"Y-Youngjae, please!" He begged through heavy sobs, knowing deep down that he wouldn't ever wake up. 

Jaebum wanted to ask 'Why', but he knew the answer to that. 

Jaebum found his own hands wet with blood mixed water that Youngjae was laid in. 

Jaebum couldn't do anything. 

For the first time, he felt entirely useless. 

Somebody must've heard Jaebum's cries and called for a teacher, because about 20 minutes later after finding Youngjae's body, the headteacher came into the room. 

Their face instantly filled with shock when seeing Jaebum and Youngjae's body. 

Jaebum refused to leave the room. He didn't want to leave Youngjae. He promised he'd make him happy, but he failed. 

Jaebum was forced out of the room, later forced out of the dorm once an ambulance arrived, taking Youngjae's body away. 

Jaebum begged and pleaded for them not to take him away, but his cries fell upon deaf ears. 

Jaebum was taken to one of the rooms in the school that was quiet and empty. It had comfy chairs in it, often a room for students who were upset so they could be a bit more comfortable, however; Jaebum would much prefer to be in his own dorm room, but he didn't mention that. 

He sat on one of the cushiony chairs, his elbows propped up into his knees and his head buried in his hands, tears streaming from his eyes into his hands. His shoulders shook violently with every sob and every breath he took. 

His heart was racing and his throat felt stained from his crying and screaming. 

If Jaebum had one wish. 

Just one. 

He would wish for Youngjae to be alive and happy, away from Mark and anybody who was out to get him. 

Even if Jaebum has to suffer because he couldn't be with him, as long as Youngjae was happy, he didn't care about how much pain he went through. 

He saw Youngjae's happiness as a priority. Much more than his own. 

Jaebum couldn't help but blame himself for Youngjae's actions. 

He felt regretful. 

He felt as though he should have gone straight to Youngjae's room this morning - maybe he could've prevented this from happening. 

Maybe if he tried harder and did more, Youngjae would be happier. 

He should've gone to Mark. He should've spoken to him. 

He will speak to him. 

Jaebum doesn't care if he'll get hurt. 

He will not let Mark get away with this. 

In Jaebum's eyes, this wasn't just a suicide. 

It was murder. 

Mark Tuan killed Choi Youngjae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never said this would get happier. 
> 
> There is still more to come, don’t worry.
> 
> Thank you all for reading <333


	24. Chapter 24

It had been two days since Youngjae's death and Jaebum was most definitely not over it. 

He never would be. This day would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

One change he'd noticed was that Youngjae's name on his body now had a cross over it. Jaebum hated how he had an unremovable tattoo that reminded him of his lover's death every time he changed. 

Everybody else has been acting differently too.

Well, everyone expect Mark. 

Youngjae's door was filled with notes that had been stuck on, such as 'You are so loved and missed, Youngjae', or 'Rest well xx'. Nice comments. Not a single hurtful comment had been said about Youngjae since his death. 

These kind comments on Youngjae's door angered Jaebum deeply. 

As he was walking past Youngjae's door to head to his own room, he saw somebody writing a message on his door. Jaebum frowned, taking a few steps towards them.

"Hey. What are you doing." Jaebum's eyes narrowed slightly. 

A guy, one of Mark's friend's, turned to face him, "Oh.. I'm just leaving a message for Youngjae.." He mumbled. 

"What are you writing?" Jaebum asked. 

"I'm just saying about how he really is loved and cared for.. How he didn't need to hurt himself like that.." 

Jaebum's fists clenched tightly, along with his jaw. 

"NO! You can't just say that! You can't just start being nice to him because he's fucking dead! Is that how much it takes just for someone to actually give a shit about you?! Do you have to die until someone cares?! You all brought him to his death because you were so horrible to him! Why couldn't you have said these things to him when he was alive?!" Jaebum practically screamed at him. 

It angered him so much how everyone had the audacity to treat him like total shit and only start 'caring' once he's gone. 

The guy stared at Jaebum, not a single word leaving his mouth. Jaebum growled and shoved past the guy, speed walking to his room and slamming the door shut behind him. 

He collapsed onto his bed, staring at the wall as memories of Youngjae flooded his thoughts. That smile he rarely got to see. His adorable little laugh. The way he fiddled with the end of his sleeves. Jaebum found it cute until he realised it was out of fear that Jaebum would find his cuts. 

Jaebum's eyes filled with tears at knowing he'd never see that ever   
again. 

He could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket. At first, he was planning to ignore it, but he took it out, curious as to who it was. 

Jinyoung:  
JB, hey. How are you feeling? 

Jaebum had noticed that Jinyoung had been checking up on him a lot recently ever since he'd heard about Youngjae's death. Despite suffering himself, Jinyoung knew he wasn't having it as hard as Jaebum was. Sure, he'd cried too. But Jaebum had lost the one he loved. Jinyoung had lost a friend he didn't know very well, so the pain was much greater for Jaebum. 

Jinyoung often grew upset when seeing his best friend upset. 

Jaebum:   
Hey, Jinyoung. I'm okay. Are you?

Jinyoung:   
Are you lying? You're obviously not okay. 

Jaebum:  
Then why did you ask if you already know the answer. 

Jinyoung:   
It's polite. Anyway, listen, I know that Youngjae is gone, but please cheer up. None of this was your fault so stop blaming yourself because I know you are. All you ever did for him was help him and love him just like he wanted. You weren't the one who hurt him, so please, Jaebum, for him, don't beat yourself up because of it. You know that he wouldn't want you to. 

Jaebum:   
Thanks Jinyoung..

Jinyoung:   
You know I'm here for you :) 

Jaebum:   
I'm glad. Thank you for wanting to help me out. I'll talk to you later, see you. 

Jinyoung:   
No problem. Goodbye.

Jaebum was glad to have a close friend like Jinyoung who was always willing to help him out through his hard times. 

Often when Jaebum was angry or upset, he'd snap and take it all out on Jinyoung, but Jinyoung still treated him the exact same and put up with it. It didn't even seem to effect him, probably because he knew it was just because of Jaebum's mood. 

He never said anything too hurtful anyway, but overtime, he'd become better at controlling his anger. 

Thank you Youngjae, for bringing out the true good in me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly Jinyoung :))) 
> 
> Everyone are dicks 
> 
> I love you all tho thank you for reading <333


	25. Chapter 25

The next day arrived, and it was now the weekend. Jaebum would've loved to spend this weekend with Youngjae. 

Instead, he was standing outside of Mark Tuan's dorm room. 

After taking a few deep breaths, his fists clenched and he pounded on the door.

The door swung open, and there stood the person Jaebum hated most. 

Mark Tuan.

There he stood, his hair slightly disheveled, arms folded across his chest as he stared at Jaebum.

Jaebum felt his face grow red with anger when Mark's signature grin formed on his face, "And what-"

Mark was cut off when Jaebum roughly shoved him back into the room, slamming him against the wall. "YOU KILLED YOUNGJAE!" He screamed. 

Mark didn't even look the slightest bit nervous. Sure, his grin was gone, but he just stood with a straight face, staring back at Jaebum. 

"I don't know what you're-"

"Don't you DARE lie to me!" Jaebum wrapped his hands around Mark's throat. He was beyond pissed. 

With all of the emotions, the sadness, grief, the anger. Jaebum couldn't control himself. 

"TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!" 

Jaebum roared, despite knowing what Mark had done. Youngjae had told him in his suicide note. 

Mark's grin formed on his face once again, despite Jaebum's tight grip around his throat. 

"Okay, Jaebum, I'll be truthful with you here," Mark chuckled quietly, a dark glint in his eyes. "The last thing I did to Youngjae... I fucked him. He was practically begging me to." 

He could feel Jaebum's grip loosen around his neck as he stared at him. Despite knowing what Mark did, it still came as a shock to hear it again. 

"The night before he committed suicide." Mark's grin formed into a smirk. 

Jaebum slapped him across the face.

"You didn't just fuck him, Mark.. You-.. You fucking raped him, didn't you?! Just like you tried to at that party! No way in Hell would he ever give you his consent!" Jaebum's eyes quickly filled with tears at the thought of what Mark had done to Youngjae. 

"Ah, but you see, Jaebum. There's something that Youngjae didn't tell you." Mark laughed as he leant back against the wall. 

"What was that.." Jaebum said quietly, trying to stop himself from crying. Not in front of Mark. He wouldn't cry in front of him. 

"He has a third name. My name on his thigh." Mark told him, "And if you want proof..." He pulled up his sleeve, revealing the name 'Youngjae', on his arm.

Jaebum was frozen into place. 

It can't be.

Why would Youngjae's name be on his arm?

It must be a different Youngjae. It has to be. 

Mark found Jaebum's reaction amusing. "What's wrong, JB? Can you not handle the fact that-"

Jaebum punched him in the jaw. "Youngjae wrote what you did in his fucking suicide note! He didn't give his damn consent!"

Mark's eyes narrowed at Jaebum as he forcefully shoved him back. "Were you there?! No! You just went and left him!" 

Jaebum punched Mark in the gut, causing the other to groan in pain before Jaebum felt himself get pulled back.

"JB, stop it!" Jinyoung yelled. He must've heard the shouting and come to check it out. 

"Jinyoung?! Get off of me! I'm giving this fucker exactly what he deserves!" He yelled, tears already flowing down his face as Mark was recovering from Jaebum's punch to the gut.

"Jaebum, come on, just leave him! We can report this to the police! If you beat him up, you can be held against it too..!" Jinyoung told him, "Yes, he deserves it, but just hold yourself back!" He dragged him out of the room. 

Jaebum was fighting back, trying to get away but Jinyoung's grip was tight. 

Jinyoung had managed to drag Jaebum into his bedroom, closing the door behind him as he looked at him. 

"Jaebum, you have to calm down.. I know what Mark was did was.. Disgusting, horrific. Something he mustn't get away with, but you can't just go and start hurting him.." 

Jaebum clenched his fists. "He fucking deserves it after what he did to Youngjae! He deserves worse than prison! He shouldn't even be allowed to walk on this planet!" He cried.

Jinyoung pulled Jaebum into a tight hug in an attempt to calm him down, "JB.. Please.. Deep breaths.." 

As for Mark, he was now sat in bed, holding his abdomen as the pain died down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do enjoy shocking people 
> 
> And seeing all of their wrong predictions :) 
> 
> Oof more combat
> 
> Thank you all for reading
> 
> I hope you love this
> 
> Goodbye <333


	26. Chapter 26

A lot of you may be wondering how Mark felt about all of this. What went through his mind after hearing the news of Youngjae's death. 

Three simple words. 

I don't care.

Mark, after all he did, and after what it caused Youngjae to do, still did not give a single shit about him. 

Some may argue that this isn't his fault, and I'll let you all know why in a little while. 

Mark rolled up his sleeve, looking at Youngjae's name on his arm before smirking, grabbing a wipe and rubbing the pen ink off of his arm. Yes, he faked the name. 

Mark found out about Youngjae's death after hearing others speaking of it. The first thing Mark did was laugh. He laughed to himself, thought about it, smiled, then smirked.

He grew even more excited when he didn't see Jaebum turn up to class. 

Mark often wondered if it was his fault that he didn't care.

But in truth, Mark cannot care. 

It's impossible to care about anyone, and the answer as to why that is it actually quite simple. 

Mark has no names. 

He doesn't have a soulmate, or a killer. 

His body is clean of names. 

Mark was born this way. And he believed that this is why he found himself unable to give a damn about the people around him. 

So, as said before, some of you may find this understandable as to why Mark doesn't care about what he did to Youngjae or the fact that he'd committed suicide. 

Others will see that this is no excuse for what he did to him. 

The biggest question, however, is why?

Why Youngjae? Why did Mark go for Youngjae? 

The answer to that, again, is simple. 

Youngjae is weak. He is vulnerable. It barely took Mark a few insults just to set the young boy off, and just a few more for him to cry about it. 

A few beatings were enough to cause Youngjae to cut himself. 

And raping him was enough for him to end his life, just when it could've been saved by Jaebum. 

After Mark's first ever few insults, he began to turn it into a game. How long will Youngjae last before he commits suicide? 

Mark wanted to push his limits, to see how far he'd go before he gave up entirely and ended it all. 

When Mark was drunk and touched him for the first time, that was purely because of the alcohol's effects on him. 

After realising what he was going to do, Mark saw that as an opportunity. He realised that Youngjae is weak, and wouldn't be able to stop him. 

He realised how vulnerable the smallest boy was and that Mark could do anything he wanted. He had control, and he loved that. 

It also allowed Mark to understand what sexual pleasure with another person felt like, although he wished that Youngjae didn't struggle so much. That made it leas exciting. 

But it wasn't the best pleasure he's ever felt. 

The best was hearing what Youngjae did. 

He was trying to figure out if Jaebum's pain or Youngjae's suicide pleased him more. 

Mark actually had thought about Jaebum a lot. He wondered if he should target him and see how long it would take him to end his own life. Jaebum was weak and vulnerable right now after all. 

Then he would move onto Jinyoung. 

People who had others that cared about them was who Mark enjoyed to target, because then he's hurting two people at once. 

Perhaps Mark did this out of jealousy. 

Perhaps he's jealous that he has nobody to care for or anybody who cares about him. 

Mark had wished for that once. He once prayed to God, believe it or not, despite not actually believing in a God. He prayed for a name. Just one name to be placed on his body. 

He just wanted someone to care. 

After not getting that, he thought fuck it, and moved on. 

Mark hasn't tried to care about anyone either. He wasn't sure if he wanted to. 

He just did what his mind told him to do. 

Mark sometimes felt jealous when seeing people experience grief. 

He'd never experienced those kind of emotions for himself before, so he always found it so interesting to see. He watched Jaebum a lot when he showed up to class. 

The way Jaebum's face would hold no emotion as he stared down at his desk in deep thought, only to break into tears moments later. 

Mark wanted that feeling. 

He wanted to know how Jaebum felt, just once.

In the end, Mark was pleased with getting away with his first murder.

Mark knew he murdered Youngjae, and in such a way it looked just like a suicide. 

Mark had realised that if he could drive someone to suicide, no one would suspect a murder because they did it to themselves. Nobody will ask questions. 

The thing Mark found the most interesting though, was how everybody suddenly changed after someone's death. 

The people who Mark had influenced to treat Youngjae like shit were now praying for him and leaving him kind messages and respect. These actions would confuse Mark. He never understood why they changed just because he died. 

They didn't care when he was suffering, so why do they care now that he can't feel pain? 

It didn't make sense to Mark.

But then again, not much did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooof Mark’s point of view in all of this for those who are curious. 
> 
> I wrote the epilogue to this last night and it’s my longest chapter yet (2011) words, hope you guys are looking forward to it. 
> 
> How do you feel about Mark?
> 
> And do you have any questions you’d like to be answered? (Depending on what they are, I’ll either tell you as a reply to the comment or it’ll be included in the epiglogue) 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading <333


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Badly Written Smut Up Ahead Kinda

Jinyoung wasn't in his own dorm room. He wasn't in Jaebum's either. 

Instead, Jinyoung had found himself in a heated make out session with the one guy he used to called 'annoying'. 

He'd come to realise that the guy wasn't so annoying after all once you get to know him. 

As Jinyoung pulled away, gasping for air, Jackson smiled softly at him, moving down to kiss at his neck. 

Jinyoung tilted his head up slightly, "Hey.. Don't leave marks.." He mumbled, gasping when Jackson sucked on a spot of his neck. After leaving a small mark, Jackson pulled away, insisting that nobody would notice.

Jinyoung felt Jackson's hand trail down to Jinyoung's waist and his eyes widened in slight shock, Jackson looking at him, "Is this okay..?" He asked. 

Jinyoung replied with a small nod, "Yes.. Please.." 

Jackson smiled, leaning back as he unzipped Jinyoung's pants. Despite Jinyoung only having Mark's name on his body, Jackson had Jinyoung's. And Jinyoung was falling for Jackson more and more as time goes by anyway.

Jackson knew that Jinyoung only had Mark's name on his body, but if they both wanted this and they both felt for each other, then why shouldn't they love each other?

Jackson pulled down Jinyoung's pants and underwear, throwing them elsewhere in the room. 

Jinyoung bit his lip and his breath hitched as Jackson wrapped a hand around his length, pumping him a few times as Jinyoung bucked his hips for more friction. 

Jinyoung moaned softly, slapping a hand over his mouth once he gets the sound leave his lips, Jackson's hand picking up pace. 

Jinyoung didn't want anyone to hear them. The thought embarrassed him, but he didn't want to stop either. 

Jackson leaned forward, crashing his lips against Jinyoung's as his hand continued to quickly pump him. Jinyoung's lips moved in sync with his, moaning into the kiss. 

Jinyoung quickly ran out of air and he pulled away, his breath heavy, "J-Jackson- I-I'm-.." 

Just as Jinyoung was about to come, Jackson's hand slowed before coming to a stop, pulling away which caused a small whine to leave Jinyoung's lips. 

Jackson brushed Jinyoung's hair out of his eyes, smiling at him. "Soon."

Jinyoung whined softly, bucking his hips for any kind of contact, just something to relieve himself. 

"Could you get on your hands and knees for me, baby?" Jackson kissed his cheek as Jinyoung did what Jackson asked. 

Jackson, after taking out his own cock, looking down at Jinyoung's ass, only to stare at it. Probably for longer than he should've done. A lot longer.

Now everything is just awkward. 

"Uh.. Jinyoung-?" Jackson cleared his throat, causing a slight worried look to form on Jinyoung's cheeks as he glanced back at Jackson. 

Jinyoung bit his lip, "What?" 

"I thought you only had Mark's name on your body?" Jackson raised an eyebrow.

"I do.. There's nothing else on my body.." 

"Jinyoung, it says Jackson on your butt." Jackson couldn't help but laugh as Jinyoung quickly turned to face Jackson, sitting down to hide his butt. 

"You're joking." Jinyoung's eyes were slightly wide. 

"Nope," He laughed, "Go look in the mirror." 

Jinyoung stood up slowly, walking over to the tall mirror and turning his head to look down at his butt, "Oh my god I've had your name this whole time."

An over exaggerated hurt look formed on Jackson's face. "Well don't act all sad about it!" He huffed, causing Jinyoung to laugh.

"I'm happy, really." He chuckled. "It's just.. On my butt.." 

"So?" Jackson questioned. "That means that only I can touch your butt!" He grinned at that.

Jinyoung's jokey expression slowly changed into a worried one. "Jackson.." 

Jackson stared at him, "What?" He asked, frowning confused at Jinyoung's sudden change of mood.

"I just realised something.." Jinyoung muttered.

Jackson leaned forward slightly, "What? What is it?" 

Jinyoung glanced away before returning his gaze back to Jackson.

"Mark's going to kill me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it starts off happier but then I crush everyone sorry not sorry I love you all bye <333


	28. Chapter 28

Jinyoung and Jackson never did get round to fucking. 

Instead, they dressed themselves and began to figure out how Jinyoung won't be killed by Mark. They didn't know a when either. 

Once it hit 1am, they both decided to just sleep. Jinyoung was wrapped in Jackson's arms, his head against his chest as the pair slept peacefully.

Jaebum, on the other hand, still couldn't sleep. He was sat on his bed, staring at the drawing Youngjae had done before he died, the suicide note from Youngjae beside him.

Jaebum knew he would be like this for a long, long time. 

Depressed. 

'Is this how Youngjae felt everyday..? Fucking hell, Jaebum.. He felt this way everyday for months and months on end and you can't even manage a few days..' 

Jaebum had spent his time beating himself up over Youngjae's suicide. He couldn't help but feel as though he should've done more to help. If he just went to Youngjae's room that day, then this wouldn't have happened, Jaebum thought. 

He didn't realise that his death was inevitable. Youngjae was destined for his end, and his end came. 

Jaebum wished this never happened. He just wanted Jaebum back, and he couldn't find words to express how much he wanted him back and how much he loved him. 

Mark still had felt no regret. He just continued on with his daily life as if he never did anything wrong. His friends still stuck with him, surprisingly. They treated him a little differently though, as well as avoiding him more often.

Nobody knew about what Mark did to Youngjae, though. The only people that knew what truly happened were Jaebum, Jinyoung, Jackson and Youngjae. Mark's friends only knew about the party. 

Jaebum was planning on exposing Mark for what he truly was. He was going to let everyone know exactly what Mark had done. 

He would get him arrested. He'd make everyone hate him and say bad things to him, just like everyone did to Youngjae. But for Youngjae, they did it for no reason at all. 

Jaebum wanted all of the naïve women to stop trying to get in Mark's pants. He wanted everyone to hurt him instead. Why don't people just do that anyway? Why do people choose to hurt the innocent rather than the evil. 

Jaebum wanted to make Mark's friends pay too. 

They chose to follow Mark's way of acting. They willingly hurt Youngjae, laughed about it, felt no regret or guilt and carried on up until the day he died. 

Then they get upset and guilty that they died as if what they did would've made him happy. 

Fucking idiots.

Anger rushed through Jaebum's veins, his hand balling into fists as he sat at the edge of his bed, deep in thought just like he had been everyday since Youngjae's death. 

Jaebum closed his eyes, took one, long breath in, before one, long breath out. He did this to relax himself, and hopefully calm his angered emotions he'd been feeling a lot lately. 

He knew when he was getting all worked up because his heart would start racing and his breathing would become heavier than usual. 

His eyes slowly opening, he looked back down at the drawing that Youngjae had done. 

I swear, Youngjae. I'll make him pay. I'll make him pay for what he did to you. 

And if the police don't. 

Jaebum looked down at the knife that was gripped tightly in his hand. 

Then I will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. 
> 
> Well, there’s an epilogue on its way that’s over 2000 words - my longest chapter yet. 
> 
> So I hope you can look forward to it :)) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading <333


	29. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so excited for you all to read this! 
> 
> I hope it doesn’t come as a disappointing end :( 
> 
> This is pretty long btw
> 
> I hope you love this <333

"I love you so much, Youngjae.." Jaebum said softly as he ran his hands through his lover's hair, hearing the soft giggle come from the younger's mouth. Jaebum loved that giggle. It made him incredibly happy and he could feel butterflies in his stomach every time he heard him. 

"I love you too.. But you didn't have to join me.." He said quietly, burying his face in the older's chest as they lay on the grass in the garden outside of their new home. 

"I couldn't live without you.. You know that.. I felt so guilty.. I should've done more to-" Jaebum was cut off when Youngjae gently kissed his lips. 

"It's okay, JB.. I'm happy now that I'm here.. I'm happy that you're with me too.. You did everything you could to save me and now we're together forever.. I get to spend all of eternity with the man I love so much.. And," He rolled up his sleeves, "I'll never be in pain again." 

Jaebum gently ran his thumb against Youngjae's clean arm. "I wish they could've looked like this when we were alive.." He murmured, letting go of Youngjae's arm to pull him into a tight hug, "I guess you really did kill me in the end.." He chuckled softly. "With both your love and your pain.." He added. 

Youngjae gave a small nod as he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry.." He whispered, hearing Jaebum elicit a sigh. 

"Don't be, baby.. You did everything you could to please me as I tried to do for you.. You have nothing to be sorry for.. You'll never have to see him ever again.. He won't come here.. He'll go straight to Hell.." Jaebum said reassuringly, feeling Youngjae's head nod slightly. 

Jaebum remembers when he was alive clearly. He remembers watching as his own name began to form on his arm. He'd first notice the 'J' of his name begin to form and he was, let's say, extremely confused. He never knew that names could just appear on someone. 

Then the 'A', the 'E'. Every letter formed until the clear word 'JAEBUM' was resting on his arm. 

That was the day Jaebum realised his fate was sealed. 

He was going to take his own life, and he could do absolutely nothing to stop that from happening. 

Thoughts of Youngjae began to flood his mind at the thought of suicide. He began wondering what it would be like to just escape from everything, to just end his life. Maybe he'd see Youngjae again? Maybe Heaven exists and Jaebum would have the opportunity to see his boyfriend again, to love him and to hold him in his arms and never let go. 

The thought was what finally made Jaebum kill himself. The thought of seeing the one he loves. So he did it. 

He hung himself in his room, no note left behind. 

Youngjae burst out into tears once he saw Jaebum in Heaven with him. He could only think of one question. 

Why? 

Why did Jaebum do that to himself? Why did he do what I did? Why didn't he take advantage of the one life he had? 

A part of Youngjae wanted Jaebum to be alive and live, but another part of him wanted Jaebum to be dead so they were both together in Heaven. Youngjae was unsure of that was selfish of him to think that way. 

The pair let out a small sigh, both closing their eyes as they allowed themselves to drift off to sleep. 

"Do you ever miss them?" Jinyoung's loving boyfriend asked. Jinyoung had just brought up about Jaebum's suicide seven years ago as it was Jaebum's birthday that day. 

"Of course I do.." Jinyoung muttered, closing his eyes as he sipped his coffee. The pair were at a coffee shop on another date, just chatting and holding each other's hands, "I can't believe it's been 10 whole years since they passed away.." 

"I regret so much of my life.." Jinyoung heard his boyfriend mumble, "I wish they were still alive.." 

Jinyoung closed his eyes, his hand leaving his boyfriend's as he rubbed his forehead. "Let's not talk about it.. I'd rather just have fun with you.." He looked over at him, giving a small smile. 

As the pair sipped their coffee, Jinyoung stared at his beautiful boyfriend. He was so full of love, so kind and caring, and wouldn't even hurt a fly. They've all changed so much over the years. Like, really changed. 

Jinyoung struggled to believe how different his boyfriend is now compared to high school. And he never expected them both to get together. 

Jinyoung finished his coffee, rubbing his eyes. He'd done his best to get over his best friend's death. The second he'd heard the news of Jaebum's suicide, Jinyoung went into a depressive state for a few months. But that was when his boyfriend came along and made everything better.

He was so grateful that he had his boyfriend. He made him feel like the happiest man alive, and Jinyoung was able to find forgiveness. He wasn't sure why though. 

"Are you ready to go?" Jinyoung asked, seeing his boyfriend nod and stand up. They both put their rubbish in the bin, holding hands as they walked out of the small coffee shop. 

The pair walked through the busy streets and into the quieter, calmer park, smiles on their faces as they stared at one another. 

Jinyoung stopped, turning to face his boyfriend. He was just so breathtakingly beautiful. 

"I love you so much, Mark.." Jinyoung said as the other cupped his cheeks, pulling him into a gentle kiss. 

"I love you a million times more, Jinyoung.." Mark said softly. 

You may be surprised. 

Jinyoung is with Mark? How? Why? 

How could Mark possibly be forgiven for what he did? 

Perhaps I could leave that to your own imagination, or I could tell you what really happened. 

I suppose I'll do that. Tell you. 

After Youngjae and Jaebum's death, once Jinyoung was found by Mark sobbing on the floor in his dorm room, Mark had helped him and cheered him up. 

Jinyoung pushed him away, through insults, screamed, kicked, hit, just anything he could to make Mark leave. But Mark hugged him. 

It was the most gentlest, warmest hug Jinyoung had ever felt. He couldn't help but hug him back. 

To be hugged, held, to feel loved. That was what Jinyoung needed. 

After Jinyoung had found that Jackson had been cheating on him with some girl, he was lost and heartbroken. Jackson had always told him he was gay. So to see him with a girl like that, Jinyoung didn't know what to think. 

According to Jackson, he's straight now. Not like Jinyoung is against his sexuality. But it would've been much less of a heartbreak for Jackson to just sit him down somewhere and explain it to him, not just make out with some girl in front of him. 

So when was held like that, his heart began racing not with anger, but with love. So quickly he felt love for the man who ruined his best friend's life, his best friend's boyfriend's life. So many lives, and Jinyoung felt for him. 

He knew it was wrong.

Straight away, he knew it was wrong. He knew he should've pushed him away and told him he wanted nothing to do with him, but he simply couldn't bring himself to do it. 

A part of Jinyoung, deep down, still hated Mark with a passion. The thought of what Mark did in his past angered him to think about it, and a part of him would never forgive Mark for what he did.

However, the other half of Jinyoung was obsessed with him. Craving his affection, his touch, just anything from him. That part of him forgave him. That part of him knew that it was in the past and nothing could change that, and he knew that Mark had changed. 

He'd seen the way Mark would burst out into a fit of sobs when Mark thought about how he treated people when he were younger. 

There was a time where Jinyoung had had to stop Mark from committing suicide too. Mark thought he deserved it, and in a dark, twisted way, he did. 

The second Mark hugged Jinyoung that day he'd found him with a shattered heart, Jinyoung's name had began to grow on Mark's chest. He'd noticed day by day the 'J' and the 'I' form, later followed by 'NYOUNG'. 

Mark had realised that the second Jinyoung's name had made home on his chest, he'd began to grow feelings. He began to care for people. 

Mark had found a soulmate that he wasn't destined to be with, and Jinyoung too made him the happiest guy on Earth. 

Jinyoung's head was rested on Mark's shoulder as they stood in the park, Mark's hands resting on the other's hips as they held each other. 

Mark gently lifted Jinyoung's head, looking him in the eyes as he smiled softly at him. "You're so beautiful, Jinyoung.. You really are.. There isn't a word in existence that can describe just how much I love you.. I love your eyes, your nose, your body.. But most importantly, I love your smile.. I adore it.. I want to frame it up it's so beautiful.. I'm surprised there aren't pictures in a museum." Mark chuckled softly as Jinyoung gently hit his chest, blushing faintly. 

"Oh, be quiet you.. I'm not that great." Jinyoung told him as he smiled, Mark gently pressing his lips to Jinyoung's for a few seconds. 

As they pulled away, Mark removed a hand, but kept one around his waist and he lead him out of the park, back onto the streets. "Let's head back to my place." He said with a smile, "We could watch a movie and cuddle." 

"That sounds like the best thing ever." Jinyoung kissed his cheek, walking beside Mark. 

The pair walked and Jinyoung heard a gasp from a few people behind him, following by the squeak of a moving car. He turned around to take a look, but the second he did, the last thing he heard was, "JINYOUNG!" from his boyfriend before everything around him went black. 

Mark ran over to Jinyoung's body which lay on the floor, his eyes instantly filling with tears. "Jinyoung! Baby!" His voice was shaky as he spoke, fear flooding his emotions as he held the other. 

Jinyoung's leg was twisted and he was bleeding from his forehead. 

The sound of a car door opened and the driver rushed out of his damaged vehicle. "Shit! Jinyoung!" He cried, running over to his ex lover. 

Jackson crouched beside Jinyoung, looking at Mark as he frantically pulled out his phone to call an ambulance. "Is he okay..?!" His voice was loud from the shock and fear for Jinyoung's health. 

Mark's arms were tensed as his hands clutched Jinyoung tightly, his chest rising and falling rapidly as tears of horror rolled down his cheeks. 

Jackson heard Mark mumble something that he didn't quite hear. "W-What..?" He asked. 

"I said he isn't breathing!" Mark snapped, watching as Jackson froze, eyes wide. 

No, he didn't really kill Jinyoung, right? 

Mark pressed his hand to the male's chest, feeling his heartbeat. There wasn't one. 

He held a finger a few millimetres from his nose, but he felt no air come from his lover. 

Jackson had known of Jinyoung and Mark's relationship, but he never realised that if Mark was Jinyoung's true soulmate, then that made him the killer. 

Jackson believed that something was wrong. That he'd never do anything to hurt Jinyoung like that. 

He didn't believe that he'd ever be his killer, so he paid no attention to it. 

But he was. 

Jackson Wang killed Park Jinyoung. 

Sure, it was an accident. But he still took away a life. 

And Jackson would never be able to live with that. It would haunt him for the rest of his life, just like how it haunted Mark Tuan.

But, if there was something Mark learned from all of this. 

It was that Words Mean Everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo what did you think? :>
> 
> Are you shook? 
> 
> Did you like it? 
> 
> I hope so
> 
> I hope that this was something worth writing 
> 
> I will post a thank you Chapter after this explaining about why I wrote this 
> 
> Thank you all so so so so much for reading 
> 
> I’m unbelievably happy that so many people have read this and commented and left Kudos
> 
> Thank you so much 
> 
> I love you all so so much 
> 
> I’m planning on writing another story in the future 
> 
> So I hope you can look forward to it and read it if you want to 
> 
> Good bye :) <333
> 
> Also, just out of curiosity, if any one you want to message me and talk to me, my instagram is @istan7bois 
> 
> If you can’t use Instagram, my Snapchat is elisajm2002
> 
> Okay, bye bye! Thank you all! <333


	30. Thank You

Thank you to everyone who has taken their time to read this, vote, add to a reading list or whatever, I really appreciate this!

I hope that you've enjoyed it and that I'm good at writing or something haha

A lot of Youngjae's feelings are my own, and looking back on it, I feel like I could've maybe expressed those feelings more, but I find that difficult to get them written down despite thinking them so clearly in my head.

I know there is one person who stuck and read this the whole time, cheering me up every time I doubted myself and thought that my writing was bad and that nobody would actually want to read it. 

But wow, I've gotten over 100 reads since I posted the last chapter a week ago! It really does make me happy to know that people are reading this :)) 

I wrote this for two reasons.

One, I got bored and I've tried to write fan fiction before, but I always deemed it too shitty and deleted it. I wanted to try writing again, and I love 2Jae, so why not?

And two, I wanted to express myself. I feel as though I can't trust people so much with my true feelings, so I only tell the people I'm close to the lighter things that go on in my head. I never really share my deep thoughts as I just think I'm an idiot and I don't want to upset anyone like that. But I needed a place to get some feelings down. 

I have expressed myself through every single character in this.

Even Mark, but not in a way that's so easily understandable.

No, I don't go around doing horrible things to people, just to make that clear.

I'm writing this little thing here to just, I don't know, talk? 

Give a little insight to this book I guess.

Can I even call it a book? 

Fan fiction? 

Whatever this is supposed to be, I'm just glad that hopefully at least some of you who've read it have enjoyed it.

Thank you for the few people that commented and left feedback, I really appreciate that because it lets me know how I'm doing.

And of course it shows me you like it :) 

I'm not telling you all to comment btw, I really appreciate you just wasting your time to read this.

I don't really have anything else to say I guess, so I'll leave it at this.

I'll probably right more in the future after my GCSE's are over. 

I hope that this shows that the smallest action or comment could effect someone greatly, in both a negative and positive way. Little things matter.

Thank you again <333

Bye bye~


	31. Chapter 31

Hello everyone! 

I’ve finished my exams :) 

I hope my Spanish one went well as that’s what I’d like to do in the future haha

Now that my exams are finished, I’m trying to think of plots to start writing my next GOT7 fanfic

I kind of have some ideas, but I’m really lacking the motivation to write anything :((

If you guys have anyway to motivate me, please do :D

And if you have any plots you’d like a fanfic to be based on, please tell me that too and I’ll see if I can come up with something! (No matter how weird it is, don’t worry, I won’t judge :)) 

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you all have lovely days! 

Adiós!


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